Skip to main content

Who Is Avri James??!!

I'm going thru it right now!!

I can't stand it when folk say, "I need to find myself!"  What exactly do you mean?  How can you have misplaced your own person?!  But you know what, I think I have lost sight of who I am, and what I want from somebody else.  It's been that way for a long time.  I've just become a master at pushing past my own feelings and keepin on, adapting to my situation, thinking every one of those could be the "One".  I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to feel like me again, I want to be in love.

To begin my search, I guess I need to learn myself all over again, and remember what my past taught me from one relationship to the next about where I want to be.  Failed or not, there is a lesson in each, and I intend to go back and collect them all. So order to really know me, and to figure out where I'm going in this emotional labyrinth, we need to go back, way back, back into time...

Love is an emotion that is learned.  The people that teach you how to love forever mold your ideas about love and can alter your perspective.  The first time you experience it is within your family, but at some point, we grow, and begin to experience love from outside sources.  What you learn at home, however, shows you what your looking for.  In some cases, it shows you exactly what you don't want, but nevertheless, it serves as a gauge for relationships to come.

I have always been ahead of my time, and it was this very thought that crossed my mind the first time I fell in love.  His name was Jason, and shattered all of my childish notions of what I thought my first love would be like.  He was quiet, but strong.  He wasn't book smart, but far from illiterate, and let's face it, I OWNED that whole brainiac thing.  I would see him everyday, just hanging around with his friends, and he seemed to have the greatest sense of humor.  He seemed like so much fun, somebody I really needed to know.  Although I'm super-confident, it is not for lack of being shy, so I just watched him for a while.  Like anything else in life I wanted to be good at, I studied him.  I wanted to learn the perfect way to position myself so he would think he was approaching me, and I needed to learn exactly what to say when he did.  So how do you accomplish this when your intended doesn't even know he's on your radar?  You figure out who you know who knows him, and you come up with the perfect accidental on purpose 1st encounter.  I found my ally in Marcellis.

Photo Source:


Popular posts from this blog

Flash Forward: The Twin Flame Connection

              One of the things I get the most comments on when it comes to Avri James and Landon is about the Twin Flame Connection, what are my thoughts on it, and most importantly, do I believe in it.  Most of you guys out there want to know whether or not I consider what Avri and Landon have a TFC, and WHEN would it come into play in their story...Ask and ye shall receive!  By request, an anecdote from Avri and Landon that addresses just that; I hope it provides the strength needed to hold out for it ALL... There was ONE time, when I could no longer deny the TFC; and I knew for sure it was real...I lived out of state for a while and had been seeing someone else.  Landon and I hadn't seen each other for a time, and had been living separate lives.  I had been coming and going, but ours paths just never seemed to cross.  One day, my family attended this baby shower.  I chose not to, as I didn't know the intended at all.  After it was over, my aunt stopped by, giving me a rundo

Great Expectations

              I couldn't believe it; it was FINALLY here!!  This trip had been at the forefront of all my thoughts for the past few weeks-now that it was actually time to leave it all felt surreal.  It honestly felt a little strange to be this excited about going on a trip I had originally planned and discussed so many times before with Landon.  In all actuality, I never thought I would get the chance to go.  I just figured the Universe would open up and swallow me, and I would never make it!  The strangest part of all though, was that it didn't even bother me, which caused me to feel slightly uneasy, just for a few moments; old habits die hard.  For once, I felt like I was doing something for ME.  My greatest desire for the whole thing was to find out what parts of Avri still remained; to remember who the fuck I was.  I had felt so lost and disconnected lately- an Avri identity crisis, if you will... See, that's the part I find the hardest to wrap my mind around; how impor

One Day You'll Be Mine...

I've never been one to particularly enjoy being stuck in a place with a bunch of random individuals, ergo I don't really party...but every now and again, I do like to get dressed up and hit the streets for a while.  Since my 18th birthday, I  hadn't gone out while on Richmond.  Tai and I had talked about it, but never made any real plans.  Something must have been in the air, because we both became increasingly restless, and finally decided it was time to break out.  We chose the particular spot based on the day; I mean, because what's the point if you aren't going to be seen, right?! By this point, all of my evenings were all but monopolized by Landon, rarely spending one apart.  I expected some phony resistance, but knew no real issue would come into play.  I didn't really know for sure what he felt for me yet, but I DID know that there was SOMETHING...The real test in any new relationship is your 1st evening apart; how your significant othe