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It's a Feeling; and Entire Vibe...

It's crazy, but I just realized I'm Happy (Don't judge me bitches for not noticing right away, life has been relentless!)  But FRFR, it's actually been pretty dope😁  Everyday isn't necessarily fantastic, but what makes it great is the fact that simply deciding to make a different choice can change Everything.  Not knowing what's going to happen from one day to the next can be pretty exciting!  It's almost like your girl got some new writers on this show called Life that I FINALLY fuck with, they putting out some new material I actually want to watch...

Suddenly life stopped feeling like work; it was something I truly wanted to show up for.  Waking up each day to meet its newness was something I was starting to look forward to.  The stuff of other peoples' lives didn't even affect me the way it used to.  It was like everyone around me was in their own separate bubbles, staring in their own individual sitcoms; and I was watching them all at once.  For the first time, I realized that I didn't need to watch them simultaneously.  I could take my time, viewing each one singularly; giving them the attention they did or did not deserve.  I woke up in an Avri James state of mind; determined to make the day my own.  It didn't begin like any other, something was Special; you could FEEL the magic in the air before you even opened your eyes.  I knew I was in bed alone; I only felt my energy in the room.  I rolled over on my stomach, facing the empty space beside me.  There was a note, folded into 4s, sitting neatly atop Landon's pillow.  I smiled, reaching for the small square.  "I know how rare it is for you to sleep this soundly, I didn't have the heart to wake you.  Enjoy your day, I'll see you later."  After spending 2.5 seconds being fake-bummed that I wouldn't see Landon until after work, I quickly recovered by remembering that I meant I got to take a super-hot shower for as long as I wanted!  Yeah, today was going to be pretty terrific...

Have you ever experienced the sensation of feeling a person's touch without them even being in the same room?!  I'm not talking about anticipation, I mean the actual physical sensation.  I had been experiencing that all throughout the day at random times.  It was so peculiar, but I have to say, I was curious as to why it was happening, and a little excited at the same time to find out.  I was standing at the front bar of the Crystal Flame, completely lost in thought, when Amarrah walked in with both arms full of inventory.  She was dressed per usual, resembling I high school golf coach😂  "There's like 5 more boxes in the car, do you mind grabbing them for me Avri?!"  "Absolutely."  I said with a smile.  Not that I loved carrying boxes, but any excuse I could find to steal a few minutes of sunlight when stuck inside the studio all day Felt like magic.  The sun shined brightly, sending cascades of various colors across the approaching evening sky.  I closed my eyes, turning my face towards its wonderous glow.  I soaked in all the vitamin E I could take in at the moment.  With the full day stretched out in front of me, all that was Really on my mind was finding my way home to Landon at the end of the night.  Just the thought, brought a smile to my face; EACH time it danced across my mind...

It all passed by in a mix of watercolors...before I knew it, I was sitting behind the wheel of my truck; taking in slow, deep breaths.  After several hours of loud music, laughter, and karaoke, I was going to let the sound of the ocean calmy usher me home.  I loved driving at this time of night; it made me feel like the city is all mine.  I'm able to take it all in without the distraction of other drivers and random pedestrian energies.  Eleven minutes later, I was home.  I was warm all over.  It's amazing, no matter how much time passes, This is EXACTLY the way I feel anytime Landon is in the vicinity; even if I don't Know it; like magnets.  It has to be something in our physical chemistry that literally makes it impossible for one of us not to know the other is near.  Honestly, this was a little scary at first, to the point where I denied and fought it-viciously.  I didn't want to be so connected to ANY man.  A connection like that can only mean one thing-NO SECRETS.  'And there it Is!'  That's what I was afraid of all along, being completely exposed.  It wasn't until I realized that full exposure when it came to Landon was the key to us finding our balance-there wasn't anything to hide.  After fleeing and fighting, and more fighting and fleeing, I was finally ready to accept the inevitability of US.  This was the man the Universe had cultivated for me-to my precise specifications.  He is my ULTIMATE partner.  It was impossible for me to reach higher heights as a human being with ANY other person on Earth.  On the other side of that door is my Ascension...

I walked into the apartment to find a fully sprawled out Landon, on the living room floor, which was completely covered in pillows.  He was fully engrossed in whatever he was watching on the projector.  Landon only broke character for moment, just long enough to pull me down into his arms.  Eyes still firmly glued to the screen, he felt around the bottom of my legs till he reached my feet to remove my socks.  He kissed my forehead and we eased back onto the pillows.  "So what is this?!"  I asked softly.  "I'm not sure, but its really good, I'll tell you in a second!"  I knew better than to ask any other questions lol.  I just made myself comfortable, scanning the general vicinity...THERE we go, I spotted it!  There was a single glass of Merlot, right next to a stout glass of cognac.  At second glance, a caught sight of the plate of fruit, cheese, and crackers I carefully(and kinda slick!) prepared before work and left covered in the fridge.  Yes!  Living with someone else is all about learning the other person; to the point where common sense takes over, and fewer words have to be exchanged.  More and more, little by little, you start moving through your days by feeling the next moments as opposed to thinking about them.  This space was our Fortress of Solitude; impenetrable by the outside world.  This is where we belong...

Not really aware of how much time had passed, I woke from an impromptu nap; still nestled between Landon and a sea of throw pillows.  Whatever was on was coming to an end, and the perfect silence in between was calling my name.  I tried to stir with minimal disturbance, but Landon's attention immediately turned to me.  "I tried my hardest to hang, 'My mind's telling me NOOOO!!  But my BODY my BODY'S telling me YEEESSS!!!'" I said.  "Hmmm", he thought for a moment-"Mine too. Come on."  That was more than music, it was an entire symphony to my ears!  I made my way to the room; quickly undressing; flinging my clothes across the back of a chair.  Landon was opposite of me, very intentional in removing each item of clothing; folding each piece into neat little squares.  watching this process always made me smile.  I loved all of his idiosyncrasies; the weird little things that made him HIM...

I melted into the bed; into Landon's arms...I was FINALLY where I wanted to be ALL day.  As I closed my eyes, I thanked the Universe for whatever this feeling was; truly grateful for this moment in time.  What happened just minutes before no longer mattered, and the future didn't exist yet.  It was all about right now...and right now, was absolutely Perfect...   



 

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