"Mavervicks"

 

"Don't wanna leave, I just wanna be here by your side/You make me feel and believe that we're in Paradise/I don't feel the ground, No I don't feel the Ground...But I'm feeling RIGHT...

                                                       ~Whoa Snoh Aleegra

Sundays have always been mine, for as long as I can remember.  I came into this world an independent spirit, determined to find my own way.  Even as an eight year old girl, I knew there was more, and I was determined to find it...and so, I got up every Sunday morning and went to church; ALONE...The grownups in my life knew not to make plans for me; my Soul was on a mission, and I had shit to do😁...To this day, that still rings true.  and yet, more recently, I've found myself actually enjoying waking up in Baisley with Landon...Although I have always been one to relish being in bed alone; fully encapsulated by every inch of glorious empty space, my Sunday bubble has refreshingly been expanded to include Landon...It was always calm and peaceful; just really nice...the perfect environment for me to write in...We were completely relaxed;  easing into the flow of the day at will.  I always slept great(the night before was always a guarantee of that!), and if we happened to wake too early, we would just linger in bed for a mid-morning nap.  Morning head has been a long time favorite of mine, both giving and receiving; leaving the window wide open for all kinds of possibilities...All we needed was something to binge watch, my laptop/books handy, and we were set-outside of food!  Landon was a man that didn't cook, and lived alone...his kitchen said as much😂...The only thing to disturb my little bubble was hunger...hello, fat kid here...One lazy Sunday as Landon dozed and I read, my stomach entered the chat loud as Hell, choosing violence...

After getting my life, I decided to walk up to Broadman to see what was open that would entice me by way of food.  There was a deli that I could have deliver if all else failed me.  It was absolutely gorgeous outside, and just warm enough to be out with no sleeves, and the sound of the birds singing was calling my name...Before grabbing the key by the door to slip quietly through the entryway, a groggy voice called out behind me, "You are coming back, right?!"  "Yes," I said with  grin, "that was the plan."  Moments later, I was descending the stairs two at a time as I sang.  After a brief chat with Landon's neighbor(who, in my opinion, is a retired mob wife living in witness protection!), I stepped onto the sidewalk; the Sun was warm and bright against my skin.  I headed down the street in the direction of the Spanish restaurant I had been eyeing since the last time I had been here.  As I passed the Pantry, Catrina crossed my mind...

When I'm in Baisley with Landon, I'm In Baisley, WITH LANDON!!  Interpretation, nothing outside of emergency or VERY pressing Crystal Flame business will be getting addressed.  Now that I had let him in, I was just as fierce about maintaining OUR PEACE as I had been about my own.  Damn Bitch, look how all that growth just snuck up on you...Needless to say, I'm very selective about the phone calls I choose to take; careful of who to engage with...Catrina and I had not spoken that week, which in and of itself was not a red flag, but the fact that she just popped into my head for no apparent reason definitely meant something...If something was amiss, and it was really bad, then she would be quiet at the moment...I contemplated whether or not to reach out to Catrina as I walked.  Apprehension began to arise...was it selfish?  I mean, Sundays were mine, and this one, was Ours...and decidedly drama-free, might I add...I was going to keep it that way...If it wasn't something a quick wise crack and few words of wisdom could fix, did I really feel like being bothered at this very moment?  Would this very blissful energy/space I was in right now even be helpful?  Was I truly ready for whatever self-inflicted trauma lie ahead?  Just the thought of her self-imposed horror of a relationship was already taking me out of my element.  Since the Universe was smiling on me at the moment, I thought, "Fuck it, if I am going to engage, I want this shit wrapped up in a quick and orderly fashion so I can walk back in quiet contemplation while the birds sing to me..."

Two rings later, Caterina answered in her, 'I'm supper annoyed, but I'm not alone, so I'm pretending to be unbothered" voice.  I knew to tread light in this particular climate, as I wanted a specific outcome to this situation, and had to maintain control of the conversation.  If she was going to passive aggressively dance around the subject as we attempted to discuss other unrelated topics, then we would have to table this discussion to a later date.  Jasmine had already decided we didn't have time for that...this meant it was time to employ a tactic reserved for extreme cases only; I was going to have to poke the bear..."Yo!"  I said with an upbeat inflexion in an attempt to start things off on a positive note.  "What's up Friend?!"  She replied in a forced normal tone.  "Ok Bitch, look, you know the Universe don't play with no Us, so I know something is up.  WTF is going on?!"  I asked straight out.  Catrina muttered something to someone in the background before heading out the door for a drive to acknowledge my question.  After three painstaking minutes, she finally embarked on one of her craziest stories to date...

So let's preface this by saying that Catrina has relegated herself to relationship torture with the worst of the worst when it comes to men out of some misguided fear of ending up alone(I call it misguided, because in ALL of our years of friendship, never has she ever been single).  That being said, the newest fuckery stems from her latest clown-whom she promptly moved into her house.  If it's one thing I will never fully understand is the need to give up your autonomy for a man you aren't about to spend the rest of your life with...no Bitches, don't do this...As much as I loved being with Landon in his space, I came to realize that I loved it for that reason, because it was HIS, and everything there was reminiscent of HIM.  After all, how can you ever truly be missed if you're constantly around?  There does come a point in time where distance is no longer needed, and you DO just want one person in your space, all the time, yet you still need to be a complete person, with your own life, all on your own...In short, this is what Love looks like when you're unequally yoked, and the only person all in...a shit show...

Catrina uprooted her entire life to move to another state to be with Jason.  He had absolutely nothing, and so she provided everything; including the address.  Because she knew no one nor the area, she had no escape; making each blowup increasingly dramatic, because it always culminated in Jason blocking Catrina's exit.  For today's special, Jason had served up something extra trifling...Over the past few weeks, Cat had become suspicious of some car tracks that had been appearing in her backyard on days when she would be working.  Jason went out of his way to create an elaborate story about a friend of his parking out back in an attempt to evade his girlfriend.  This, of course, brought about more questions than answers, culminating in him leaving until she had fallen asleep.  Jason may have thought the situation was a rest, but clearly, it was NOT.  If Catrina is anything, it's patient, and her patience is something that should be studied...It took her weeks to catch him slipping...as soon as she did, she jumped at the chance to go through his phone for the evidence she needed to satisfy her suspicion.  She was able to prove the premise of the story about the friend being false, and precisely who had been in her backyard...It was Jason's ex, the woman who solemnly swore to be by Jason's side until the very end-even while he is in another relationship...making this declaration on the front lawn of Jason's mother's house, while Catrina stood with their infant son in hand.  She was never going to leave him, and that she was perfectly willing to allow Catrina to keep seeing him.  I must admit, I respect this Bitch's audacity...Again I say, when people tell you who they are, believe them...She let Catrina know they were now sister wives, and she meant that shit...

After Catrina confronted Jason, he did cop to the fact that the tracks did belong to his Ex.  She had been coming over while Catrina was at work to do exactly what she said she would...Under normal circumstances, this would be the type of shit that would take me out, but when it comes to Catrina and her harem of not shit niggas, this was a run-of-the-mill dumpster fire.  I half-listened to the rest of the story in silence; as I was literally rendered speechless.  There was nothing to say...these were conscious choices that were being made; she wanted all of this.  Catrina ended her rant by notifying me that the lease was up on her house in a month, and she had decided to move to a new town for a fresh start.  She said the house had been tainted...I wanted to ask if she was gonna bring along the man who was the source of the "tainted" feel, but I chose not to.  At that moment, the young Papi emerged from the kitchen with my order neatly packed.  It was time to dis-engage...

I walked back to Landon's, shaking my head vigorously as if to remove the mental pictures that had formulated in my mind during that conversation.  What a bunch of foolishness I had just taken in!  Although there was nothing I could really do or say to help my friend in any way, sometimes you're just supposed to be there...I could tell by the change in her voice that she was noticeably calmer.  I would wait until next week to tell her to Leave Jason right TF where he was with his mama and her sister wife...I giggled to myself as I ascended the stairs back up to Landon's Apartment...

Feeling like I had been gone for hours, I half expected for Landon to be up by now, watching TV.  To my surprise, he was still sound asleep.  I took a quick shower, ate, posted my article, and was all inside of an afternoon nap when Landon's phone rang, waking us both.  I recounted the antics of the phone call with Catrina while we tried to contemplate why she was such a glutton for punishment.  "I know that's one of your best friends from school, but sometimes I question her mentality because of the choices she makes.  Everything that happens to her with these guys is of her own doing."  Landon said, "Like how do you end up in the same situations three times in a row?!  Nah, you want all of this.  At some point you just got to admit to yourself that you seek that kind of energy out."  He read my mind..."I completely agree, that's why I didn't say anything.  I mean, lowkey, I didn't want to get too invested...for what?!  It's Sunday, I just want to Be; right here.  I can't help a self-cutter, all I can do is be here for the inevitable fallout.  There's no need to pour salt on an open wound by stating that she chose a not-shit-nigga and now she has to stand on it."   I shrugged.  "Is it bad to say I'm just letting the people in my life deal with the results of their decisions?  I just don't want to be involved.  All I have for their drama is a listening ear and some popcorn!"  

"Nah baby, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.  That's you protecting your peace, and taking ownership of maintaining it.  The people on the outside are never going to prioritize your peace, that's our job.  First of all, its a bunch of nonsense, and you can feel it.  That's why you hesitated to call her at all.  Sometimes we get caught up in bullshit that doesn't have anything to do with us because it involves the people we love.  We'll get all involved, get upset, fuck up our own energy...the next thing you know, mad day is over, and the person involved has moved on like nothing ever happened; wondering why you're so upset.  Nah, we gotta learn to leave people to their own devices, let them make their choices, and live with the results, come what may.  All we can do is be there to love them in spite of their choices.  That's it, that's all we got for them"  He said, pulling me closer to him.  "We cannot want more for people than they want for themselves, no matter WHO they are."  

Landon was spot on.  That really was  all there was to it.  I really do Love this Man...His capability to observe and access(very accurately, I might add!) a situation and formulate the simplest solutions that seem to be the hardest to come by when you're emotionally invested is amazing.  He always manages to be right on the outskirts, just beyond the bullshit, maintaining the best view.  Landon wasn't letting a damn thing slip by him on his watch; I was Safe...Even though the conversation began with Catrina and her very colorful relationship, I had completely lost track of all of the nonsense...My thoughts had long since began to meander, and were now wandering around brand new territory...Someplace between admiration for this very introspective, relaxed(and very sexy, btw!) version of Landon, and grateful to never have one of those stories of my own to tell, I was in a VERY happy place...I looked up at Landon and said, "Hey,  I had three orgasms last night, how about I try and return the favor?!"  Landon looked down at me over his phone that was a mix of shock, delight, and a little mischief, "Hell Yea!"  He responded.  "Did you bring your toy?!  We're about to have some FUN..."