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Do you know that feeling you get when you buy EXACTLY what you want and get to wear it for the 1st time?  That's the best way to describe what I have been feeling since my trip to the mountains.  I couldn't have had a better time!  It was everything I could have hoped for.  I had plenty of time for me; able to catch up on my reading and writing.  I had the chance to hang out with my best friend, walk/hike, AND even had the chance to work a date in! lol  It's the kind of trip you hate to come back from, because you know your real life is right there waiting at your front door; awaiting your arrival.  Oh well, no time like the present to put the old shit aside, and focus on the new...

A new semester meant a fresh course load and a laundry list of new activities that kick off in the Spring.  I found myself in the Student Union; staring at the marquee where all the latest meeting schedules were listed.  Columbiana Productions would be pretty dormant for the rest of the year with Homecoming and the concert series out of the way.  I would have plenty of free time to participate in something else.  I couldn't quite decide what I wanted to do; everything looked pretty damn good!  I must have wandered off in my head for a few seconds, because, before I realized, I looked up, and there was Adonis quietly standing next to me; attempting to follow my gaze.  "I don't know where I was just now!  How long have you been standing there?!"  I asked him.  "Oh, not long," he replied, "just a second or two before you got that lost look on your face!"  I rolled my eyes.  "What can I do for you?!"  I asked.  He had come to find me and let me know about the book giveaway happening in the English building to see if I wanted to walk over together.  I glanced up at the marquee once more, "well, I guess the extra curriculars will have to wait!"  I was practically running by the time we reached the Student Union doors...

Ok, so I went a lil crazy in the English building; I finally got pulled away at 17 books!  It's just not right when your friends treat you like a junkie!!  Don't take me where there's books if you don't want me to leave with any!  I couldn't wait to get back to my room, light my candles, and READ!  My roommate was somewhere in a far-flung section of campus; who knew when she would surface.  I had everything I needed for the makings of my perfect evening.  Adonis and I kinda lost track of one another in all the book commotion, but I did call and let him know I was heading back to the dorm.  One of the great things about dating is that I really only needed to be available if we had something planned!  The rest of my time was just for me.  I was 6 pillows, 1 snuggie, and 2.5 chapters deep in Their Eyes Were Watching God when my room phone rang...

Just like clockwork; when I seem to be hitting my stride, and at the point where I'm beginning to be really great, Landon reaches out to me; poised and ready to emotionally disable me.  He simply asked me to come outside...I didn't even think about it; I slipped out of my snuggie and went downstairs.  It had been so long since we had seen each other; I really didn't know what to expect.  Months ago I had told Landon that we needed to talk, and he ignored my request.  I was now sitting in his car, being asked to have that very conversation.  I no longer had anything to say.  No verbal diarrhea.  This was a first, and a sort of weird feeling.  I didn't feel any obligation to tell Landon about Adonis.  There was no guilt, and no sinking sensation.  Could this really be mine?!  Wow; I didn't HAVE to share it!  He asked about the ski trip...I thought about Adonis...I simply said the trip was fun , and that I would be going back as soon as possible.  The majority of the conversation ended there.  We mostly just sat, choosing awkward moments to glance at one another.  Even though I was doing exactly what I wanted to in that moment, and was happy to be with him, I definitely was NOT willing to dive head first back into the emotional abyss I was so proud of myself for escaping.  I had made too much progress; hell, I was DATING!!  I didn't want to give up a single inch of the ground I had gained..YET, it had been such a LONG time...Maybe I could give in when it came to just ONE aspect...and I did!

The encounter was brief, but it served its purpose: WELL.  The mood had passed for reading.  There was a birthday party going on off campus that I had chosen to skip, but now I actually felt like it.  As I was getting ready, a text came through from Adonis; just wondering what I was doing.  I shot him a quick reply, saying I was heading out.  I stepped out into the night air, feeling really good.  I had escaped my encounter with Landon emotionally unscathed, and still looking forward to an Avri/Adonis win!  Little did I know, I did NOT escape.   A full week had passed before I realized I was totally re-submerged in the entire sea of emotion that is Landon and Avri...              


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