Synchronicity

             

Sometimes, it's as if my intuition can sense Landon, long before my mind knows what's happening...I don't really know how to explain it, but it's like everything perfectly syncs around me whenever he is close.  Take for instance the phone conversation with Adonis this morning; ALL my fault.  Here I was, lying on the floor, staring at my ceiling, trying to figure out how Adonis had arrived at the conclusion that he should "confront" Landon about his feelings for me.  I replayed the entire conversation over in my mind...I guess I could have done a better job at de-escalating, but, like I said, something inside me inevitably knows when he's near, and I inadvertently transform.  Some slick shit slips out before I even realize it.  Regardless of how precisely you express your non-feelings for someone, it still hurts when the desires of your heart are not reciprocated.

I took an especially long time getting dressed for the day and head over to the Brussell house to eat.  I was trying to avoid Adonis, at least for a little while.  He seemed more determined, now more than ever, to pursue this concept of a He and I.   Why is there no such thing as "casual" when it comes to Avri James?!  I cannot think of one single time I was able to have that.  Since when did men have all these complex feelings to express and discuss?!  Maybe, just maybe, I would get lucky; say, Adonis will want to pretend it never happened and forget all about talking to Landon.  All wishful thinking; I mean, have you been able to get him off your mind for the past week or so?!  Exactly...

They say when it comes to a TF reunion, you are unable to sense it while in separation because of your lower vibrational state.  This explained perfectly why I didn't really sense him of the past few months; we were on two different frequencies.  For the longest time, THIS concept was the one thing that I couldn't understand.  How could a person literally LIVE inside of you, and you can't FEEL them?!  Then, just like magic, one day out of the blue, he was back...I could literally feel him in the room with me.  I remember thinking, "If this is real, then I know you feel it too; and you will let me know."  Shortly after the thought crossed my mind, Landon called to say he was downstairs.  This continued to happen over the next several days...he was back; right there; connected to every single one of my thoughts once again; as if nothing changed.  The craziest part of it all is that it actually felt normal.  I had become accustomed to him being there.  I came to the realization that this was the singular most difficult thing to reconcile with when we weren't together, because it truly felt like a loss.  It was my dream that was the key to it all, "Separation is an Illusion."  Although seemingly real because it occurred in the physical; the truth is, our connection was everything BUT physical, and unable to be severed.  I contemplated all of this over a huge mug of green tea and a banana nut muffin, which were both sitting on the table in front of me untouched, when Katrina slid into the booth across from me...

I was so relieved to see her, I didn't know what to do!  I rapidly regurgitated the conversation from this morning, and pleaded with her for a lifeline.  Katrina responded with, "Avri, with great power comes great responsibility.  You KNOW that "Avri Mojo" is irresistible; but it all belongs to Landon.  You do a pretty good job as far as setting up boundaries, but no matter how many times you tell someone NOT to drink the Kool-aid, the more and more they crave that 1st sip.  It may be time for you to take the glass off the table..."  Facts Bro!  "That's exactly what I was thinking and didn't even know it!  See Kat, that's just why I need you in my life, to tell me WTF my brain is talking about sometimes!"  I guess it really wasn't rocket science to deduce that Landon and I were currently on a course bound for collision right into on another.  There was NOTHING that could, or WOULD, get in the way.  At this point, it was only a matter of time...

Now, I had an entirely different conversation to ponder.  I mean, I felt like I was tapping this man on the shoulder and being like, "Hey, remember how I've been telling you since we met about how I feel about someone else?  Well, that's totally back on!  Oh, and that disappearing act I warned you about?!  That starts NOW!!"  That's MAD heartless Avri James...