Ink

 

"Out here in the world I'm not alone; As long as I have you, I've got a home..."  SA

Peace is a conscious choice.  In order to have and maintain it, you have to CHOOSE it every single day.  I was so caught up in my own emotions that I lost sight of everything.  The further apart we seemed to get, the harder it became to focus on what was ahead of us.  It was what pushed me to the edge, and feeling like we would NEVER get there.  I lived in constant fear that the past would repeat itself, and I would be left alone to figure it all out again.  Truth be told, my strength is overrated...It was time for a RESET.  Once we let it all go, we were able to FLOW.  Complete surrender was the ultimate testament to self-love.  Turning your back on your ego to go after what you truly want is damn near impossible; and yet, my elation is UNMATCHED.  Absolutely NOTHING feels like this; EVERYTHING was better.  Waking up in the morning felt amazing.  Knowing my day was going to start with Landon was a natural high in and of itself.  To see my screen light up with just a few words from him was the perfect motivation.  I literally could not stop smiling.  I was TRULY happy.  Perhaps it's when we stop expecting the worst outcome, that's when it stops happening...

Each time my phone would ring, I'd get excited.  It meant the possibility of it being Landon.  I couldn't help it; we had that old thing back...I would think of him, and there he was-like magic.  It was finally OK for me to think of him whenever I wanted.  When shit was weird, I was so worried about doing something that would make him nervous, causing him to run.  So, I kept sooo much inside.  Now, it just felt RIGHT to give it all to the man it was meant for.  We weren't ashamed of how we felt.  We were ready for whatever happened next; which happened to be our living arrangements for next school year-and tattoos...Ok, so, we had been playing around with the idea of living together next semester.  I was entering my junior year, and Landon was in the final lap of his 5th year master's program.  Campus life had had it's run, but we were both ready for something a little quieter.  We had danced around the conversation long enough; it was time to face the music...

While getting dressed, I peered out my bedroom window and saw Landon across the street sitting on the Batmobile, talking to Parker.  A few seconds later, he shot me a text to confirm what I already knew.  One night, Landon and I got into a very deep conversation about me throwing away my ring, AND first  experiences...Let me just say that my canvas is untouched...it really bothered Landon that my ring was gone.  We talked about replacing it, but never got the chance.  He was never going to let it go, and so, instead, I decided to give him something else that would be my first, and my ONLY...the conversation concluded with us visiting the tattoo parlor...

I was already smiling.  Even though I was going to use this as an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone and bring up this apartment business for the Fall, I wasn't in the least bit nervous.  I was actually looking forward to it.   I didn't like for there to be anything between us.  It's when I stopped talking that all the problems started.  I hurriedly grabbed my jacket and ran out the door.  I was so excited, I had to go back upstairs twice to grab things I had forgotten.  By the time I finally made it outside, I was slightly flushed and out of breath.  As I approached, Parker looked genuinely distraught I was breaking up a bro moment...

After a brief back and forth with Parker, Landon and I were pulling off Richmond and heading downtown.  Before I knew it, we had arrived at the Black Iris to pop my cherry!  We had decided on LSM in a heart made completely of the number(s) 11:11.  I was getting mine my neck, just behind my ear.  While sitting in the waiting room, Landon suddenly said, "What's up baby?!"  A confused look started to cross my face, then I remembered, 'we were back in our bubble, you CANNOT hide a THING; even when you're not trying to!'  I smiled at the thought, and jumped right in.  "Ok Love, so I have a suggestion about us living together next semester.  I will be honest, nothing would make me happier than us being together everyday.  With our future no longer in question, I'm not trying to set us up on any dummy missions; I want it to be smooth and breezy from here on out...I think we should move off campus, but get our own spaces.  That way, we can alternate between the two, and if we need a few hours apart on any given day, we have that option.  I want you to know how much I love you, and this isn't a way to keep distance between us.  Me being here, getting this tattoo, you need to understand that this represents a level of commitment far stronger than a ring.   This is permanent; FOREVER; unable to be removed.  I know you and I SOOO WELL-this is necessary for US.  We have the right to do the things in our relationship that make US happy.  You get my keys, and I get yours.  We don't have anything to hide, and it's just me and you...Soo, what do you think?!"  Landon smiled and leaned over and kissed me on my forehead.  "Damnit I Love how your mind works, you really were made for me!"  A small girl with a slick ponytail and a questionable choice in outfits appeared in the doorway to usher us in; it was our turn.  Please don't cry Avri; you GOT this...