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Showing posts from August, 2020


              Sometimes, it's as if my intuition can sense Landon, long before my mind knows what's happening...I don't really know how to explain it, but it's like everything perfectly syncs around me whenever he is close.  Take for instance the phone conversation with Adonis this morning; ALL my fault.  Here I was, lying on the floor, staring at my ceiling, trying to figure out how Adonis had arrived at the conclusion that he should "confront" Landon about his feelings for me.  I replayed the entire conversation over in my mind...I guess I could have done a better job at de-escalating, but, like I said, something inside me inevitably knows when he's near, and I inadvertently transform.  Some slick shit slips out before I even realize it.  Regardless of how precisely you express your non-feelings for someone, it still hurts when the desires of your heart are not reciprocated. I took an especially long time getting dressed for the day and head over to the

I Need To Know

              Being of two minds is no way to live...Still mostly wrapped up in the dream I just stepped out of, I answered the phone.  Already indifferent, because I knew who it was, and it WASN'T who I wanted it to be.  That dream had given me life; confirmation of something I have known since as long as I could remember.  Now that it had been fully realized, I was no longer beat for anything (or ANYONE!) that wasn't going to get me there.  I had been especially careful the entire time I had been dating Adonis to keep any and all emotional attachment at bay in an attempt to avoid making him a Casualty of War.  He, on the other hand, was doing everything in his power to show me he deserved a real shot.  It's definitely a noble pursuit, but also a frivolous one.  The way I loved Landon transcended all of space and time, and would be EXACTLY the same in ANY lifetime.  No matter WHO, or WHAT, or WHEN, it would ALWAYS be Him.  I'm choosing Landon REGARDLESS.  Adonis had de

Avri In Wonderland

                          Do you know what it's like to wake up from a dream that felt more real than anything in conscious life?  That's exactly how I had been feeling lately.  The past few months have passed by in fog; like I haven't really been here.  I mean, I totally know what's happening, I'm even engaging; but for some reason, none of it seemed tangible.  Sometimes I feel like all of my energy is being utilized to force myself to remain present.  It's a constant; from one second to the next; work to maintain this version of life that I am quickly losing all interest in maintaining.  I couldn't get the dream out of my mind; even while I was having my moment.   I suddenly realized just how necessary the bullshit of the past few months had been in me coming full circle.  But anyway, I digress; down the rabbit hole we go to decipher yet another layer of Avri... My dream began at the start of a sunny country road that diverged into two different paths shor