Skip to main content

Avri In Wonderland

                         

Do you know what it's like to wake up from a dream that felt more real than anything in conscious life?  That's exactly how I had been feeling lately.  The past few months have passed by in fog; like I haven't really been here.  I mean, I totally know what's happening, I'm even engaging; but for some reason, none of it seemed tangible.  Sometimes I feel like all of my energy is being utilized to force myself to remain present.  It's a constant; from one second to the next; work to maintain this version of life that I am quickly losing all interest in maintaining.  I couldn't get the dream out of my mind; even while I was having my moment.   I suddenly realized just how necessary the bullshit of the past few months had been in me coming full circle.  But anyway, I digress; down the rabbit hole we go to decipher yet another layer of Avri...

My dream began at the start of a sunny country road that diverged into two different paths shortly after  I walked down it for a while.  Both were equally as inviting, one was lined with wildflowers, and the other with roses, my absolute favorite.  There was a fortune-teller booth at the base of a Poplar Tree, exactly in the middle of the two paths.  Seated inside the booth was a girl, colorfully dressed, with the most gorgeous eyes.  She sat, cheerfully singing, shuffling a deck of glittering cards from one hand to the next.  "Would you like your fortune told before you're on your way?!", she asked, continuing to shuffle her cards.  I thought for a moment, then said, "sure."  Approaching the booth, completely devoid of apprehension.  Which, in hindsight, was strange.  Since I hadn't yet chosen which path I was to take, I figured this was as good way to kill a little time while I deliberated.  There was something very familiar about her eyes; almost catlike--that immediately put me at ease...

"I only have answers you need--the answers you want, you already have."  "OK", I agreed, and took a seat on the brown wooden stool in front of the booth.  I couldn't think of any question in particular, yet I did still feel like I needed a few answers..."So how does this work?!" I asked.  The girl smiled, as her cards came to an abrupt halt in her left palm.  She sat the deck down in front of her.  She looked at me and simply said, "let's chat!" I felt a look of skepticism cross my face..."The simplest way to flow with the Universe and truly listen is when you are completely at ease; conversation is the best avenue to arrive at our intended destination."  I thought for a moment; that made perfect sense.  "OK, well, I'm Avri, and I don't know where I am right now.  I arrived at this juncture where the road has split; and now, I'm not sure which one to take."  "Nice to meet you Avri, I'm Cyrris; I will help you--I'm here just for you.  Now, you said you arrived here after walking down a path that suddenly split.  Did you know your destination when you first set out?!"  Epiphany...I actually DID.  I set out on this walk to arrive SOMEWHERE...

"Don't say where it is you intended to go, just hold the image in your mind.  Now, you are seated in the perfect spot in which both paths are in clear view.  Each one is equally pretty.  These paths are seemingly lined with your heart's desires; you will enjoy either journey, HOWEVER, only ONE of them contains the actual contents of your heart.  THAT path, is the one that will take you where you TRULY want to go.  The other will still take you to a place where you will be happy, but the other path will always be with you, and will never forget it."  I sat for a few minutes; contemplating.  I looked down the first path, lined with the wildflowers.  It was soo picturesque.  The light shone through the trees; tiny pieces of mica glistened in the sun.  I could easily wander down that path and actually enjoy getting lost.  The ground was smooth and even, with the most lush grass I had ever seen.  It would be so simple to choose this one.  I turned my gaze to the second path with all the roses.  The light here was completely different.  It was so comforting and peaceful.  There were roses of every variety as far as the eye can see.  Each one was pristine, with small drops of dew clinging to the petals, and sparkling in the last bits of sun; it was just moments before twilight.  The first stars began to twinkle against a darkening blue sky.  It was just as beautiful as the other, but THIS path, FELT like ME.  She was right, I could choose either.  I turned to Cyrris and asked, "but what if I make the wrong decision?!  I don't think I could live with constant wonder in the back of my mind."  Cyrris seemed to ponder my question momentarily.  "Well, if this is true, then you have already chosen, and you did so long before you arrived here; you have ALWAYS known.  Somewhere along your travels your mind began to wander, your confidence shattered.  As you walked on, it caused your path to split.  For you Avri, a path that holds potential happiness alone are going to be plentiful; but alas, you want what you want.  You are willing to go get it, even if that path leads you through the darkest part of night.   Only one road goes that way.  Be honest with yourself, honor your heart, and make the TRUE choice, it WILL be right."  I thanked Cyrris, stood up, and stepped away from the booth.  I closed my eyes, and quieted my mind so I could hear what my heart had to say; this one was ALL on her...When I finally opened my eyes, there was only one path, and it was lined with roses and Spanish moss; sparkling in the moonlight...

I woke up that morning and the very first thought that came to mind was, "Thank You."  I felt such a sense of relief after what felt like months of being caught between two worlds.  This entire time, it was all about being honest with myself.  I could have easily found my way had I done that a long time ago.  I had totally forgotten that.  My other half was desperately trying to remind me EVERY TIME my inhibitions were lowered.  I would wake the next day, upset with myself for whatever I said or did when I wasn't in my right mind.  Through a dumb ass cycle of repression, I stopped focusing on what truly makes me happy because I wanted to feel better, right then and there.  I wasn't interested in the process; but sometimes, in life, there's no getting over something; the only way out, is THROUGH.  I spent mine denying my feelings and frustrating myself.  Why was I doing this?!  The dream gave me perspective, and let me know just how stupid it all had been.  The aesthetically pleasing implies ease, and can be tempting, especially when what's behind you was so tumultuous.  The truest road, the one that takes you where you really want to go, is the one less traveled.  I laid there for a few moments longer; smiling; eyes still tightly shut.  I finally rolled over and sat up in bed.  My phone began to vibrate on the nightstand next to me...           

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Flash Forward: The Twin Flame Connection

              One of the things I get the most comments on when it comes to Avri James and Landon is about the Twin Flame Connection, what are my thoughts on it, and most importantly, do I believe in it.  Most of you guys out there want to know whether or not I consider what Avri and Landon have a TFC, and WHEN would it come into play in their story...Ask and ye shall receive!  By request, an anecdote from Avri and Landon that addresses just that; I hope it provides the strength needed to hold out for it ALL... There was ONE time, when I could no longer deny the TFC; and I knew for sure it was real...I lived out of state for a while and had been seeing someone else.  Landon and I hadn't seen each other for a time, and had been living separate lives.  I had been coming and going, but ours paths just never seemed to cross.  One day, my family attended this baby shower.  I chose not to, as I didn't know the intended at all.  After it was over, my aunt stopped by, giving me a rundo

Great Expectations

              I couldn't believe it; it was FINALLY here!!  This trip had been at the forefront of all my thoughts for the past few weeks-now that it was actually time to leave it all felt surreal.  It honestly felt a little strange to be this excited about going on a trip I had originally planned and discussed so many times before with Landon.  In all actuality, I never thought I would get the chance to go.  I just figured the Universe would open up and swallow me, and I would never make it!  The strangest part of all though, was that it didn't even bother me, which caused me to feel slightly uneasy, just for a few moments; old habits die hard.  For once, I felt like I was doing something for ME.  My greatest desire for the whole thing was to find out what parts of Avri still remained; to remember who the fuck I was.  I had felt so lost and disconnected lately- an Avri identity crisis, if you will... See, that's the part I find the hardest to wrap my mind around; how impor

"Amerie"

  "...So many things I'm going through, So much that I wanna do~It's starting to become so clear to me, tomorrow ain't really guaranteed~So many days I've thought of you, it's about time you knew the truth~Gotta act quickly you and I, to fall in Love so many reasons why..." I could feel the sun slipping through the downturned slats of my wooden blinds.  It crept slowly across the floor; climbing my bedspread, and finally kissing my fingers before I opened my eyes.  I smiled, thanked the Universe for Life, and rolled over, feeling around for my book.  I hadn't fully decided if I was quite ready to get up yet.  Still in mid-thought, the sound of chimes began to softly ascend; it was my phone reminding me of the day I had ahead of me.  Whelp, decision made.  I'm up.  I didn't mind too much though; today had the potential to be dope.  I love the Summer.  It's the way the air smells; IDK, it does something to me...Melanie and I had a whole day l