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Showing posts from June, 2020

Great Expectations

              I couldn't believe it; it was FINALLY here!!  This trip had been at the forefront of all my thoughts for the past few weeks-now that it was actually time to leave it all felt surreal.  It honestly felt a little strange to be this excited about going on a trip I had originally planned and discussed so many times before with Landon.  In all actuality, I never thought I would get the chance to go.  I just figured the Universe would open up and swallow me, and I would never make it!  The strangest part of all though, was that it didn't even bother me, which caused me to feel slightly uneasy, just for a few moments; old habits die hard.  For once, I felt like I was doing something for ME.  My greatest desire for the whole thing was to find out what parts of Avri still remained; to remember who the fuck I was.  I had felt so lost and disconnected lately- an Avri identity crisis, if you will... See, that's the part I find the hardest to wrap my mind around; how impor


Well, I wasn't TECHNICALLY taking Adonis anywhere-he was already coming to room with Darien; HOWEVER, I did agree to take him up on his relentless offers to spend time together.  He knew all about my emotional unavailability being at a negative zero since we became friends, and by this time was well- versed in all the imaginary drama between Landon and I.  Adonis has developed an amazing amount of patience and self-control when it came to me.  When I finally gave him the news that I had decided to go on the ski trip alone, it was all he could do to hide his excitement; but he managed to keep his was sweet.  It completely put me at ease, and any remaining apprehension melted away.   I actually started to get excited, and looked forward to going. A trip anywhere is an opportunity to live your best life; ergo my favorite part is the packing process!!  Thinking of what to wear for each event; getting to imagine what it looks and feels like long before it happens; it'

Rug Burn

Have you ever been standing at the very edge of greatness, only to watch it blow away in the wind?! It was December, and the semester was ending.  I finished my last shift at the housing office, and headed back to my room to pack.  Catrina was dropping me at the airport on her way out; I hadn't spoken to Landon in what felt like forever, and didn't even know if he was coming home.  At this point, I no longer cared.  That nagging sensation that something wasn't right had consumed me, and there was nothing left of him but that.  What I had thought was going to be the start of our REAL lives together had turned out to be pure detriment; it's so much easier to cling to the IDEA of something; it's the REALITY of it that we can't handle.  So called freedom brought about fuckery, and I'm just not for the bullshit.  The past few moths had been filled with broken promises, missed dates, and just flat out ghosting.  No matter what I said or did, I could never quite re

Love Is For Suckas

It's amazing how quickly I got into the swing of things.  Before I knew it, Winter break was approaching, and I had decided to spend it on Richmond.  That sinking feeling as far as Landon was concerned still lingered, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake it.  As the weeks passed on, I could feel the crevice widening by the minute.  I even tried talking to him about it, but in typical Landon fashion, he pushed me even further away.  I knew for sure something was not right, I just didn't know what- and was almost to the point of not caring.  Maybe being home and in the comfort of a familiar place would be just what we need...I was really counting on the Waterfront to work some of it's magic and fix whatever was going on; I wanted nothing but smooth sailing from here on out... Psych 101- the gateway to unlocking the confines of the human brain through higher education; it was my largest AND most favorite class.  I looked out over the auditorium, quickly scannin

There They Are -Those Feelings Again...

Artist Featured: GDBee Freshman Orientation- a week long thank you for spending a small fortune on higher education!  Landon and I barely saw each other.  If it wasn't for all the festivities to distract me, I may have been bothered.  I was trying my absolute hardest to be social; I even attended "1st Night Columbia" with my new roommate, Sylvie.  She was a quiet, sweet girl from South Jenerie, and sooo excited to finally be away from home.  I was so wrapped up in my unpacking process, I had decided to skip the whole thing.  Sylvie wouldn't hear of it.  "MISS 1ST NIGHT COLUMBIA?!"  She shrieked.  Just hearing the intensity in her voice sealed my fate; I didn't have the heart to say no.  I made a quick call to Landon, checking his progress.  He had stopped unpacking long ago, and was now sitting in his dorm room surrounded by his luggage, watching Scarface  alone.  He had the luxury of a no-show roommate-for now.  I hurriedly told him about 1st NC, and th