Skip to main content


Quick art in appreciation of hot drink season c:

Well, I wasn't TECHNICALLY taking Adonis anywhere-he was already coming to room with Darien; HOWEVER, I did agree to take him up on his relentless offers to spend time together.  He knew all about my emotional unavailability being at a negative zero since we became friends, and by this time was well- versed in all the imaginary drama between Landon and I.  Adonis has developed an amazing amount of patience and self-control when it came to me.  When I finally gave him the news that I had decided to go on the ski trip alone, it was all he could do to hide his excitement; but he managed to keep his was sweet.  It completely put me at ease, and any remaining apprehension melted away.   I actually started to get excited, and looked forward to going.

A trip anywhere is an opportunity to live your best life; ergo my favorite part is the packing process!!  Thinking of what to wear for each event; getting to imagine what it looks and feels like long before it happens; it's like actually getting to do it twice!  I was so busy with the start of the new semester, I didn't even start packing till about 48 hrs before we were leaving.  Since we were staying a week, my go-to overnight bag just wouldn't do; I was going to need my small suitcase.  "Think Avri; when was the last time you saw it?!"  That would be move in; which meant it was on the patio inside my over sized red duffel bag.  I ventured to the balcony to retrieve it.  It was just where I left it.  I reached for the handles to pull the bag out, and took hold of the airport baggage claim tag that ripped in my hands as I yanked on the bag with both hands to dislodge it.  It was from the time I came come to Richmond for a few days; and the very first time I had truly been alone with Landon...

I sank down into my wicker chair; remembering...every feeling, thought, ALL of it.  It was absolutely amazing.  I sat there, for what felt like forever; completely overcome by the memory.  I could still recall all the initial nervous conversations we had leading up to that trip; ESPECIALLY the one where we both threw caution to the wind, and really TALKED about the way we felt.  It was my favorite, and most meaningful conversation to date...I had come back home after spending a few weeks on Richmond last Summer.  Up until that point, Landon and I had not seen each other for quite some time.  We had gone our separate ways, doing whatever; basically just going through the motions with other people.  Two days prior to me leaving, we SAW one another...Needless to say, we were right back where we left off by the end of that 48 hours.  We were back in full swing-even with me being three states away-as if no time had passed at all.  One day while I was in the park talking to him, he reminded me of the start of a very important conversation that we never got to finish...

It was about the 1st time he told me he loved me, and I didn't respond.  This had been on my heart since it happened, and thought of how this moment would play out for as long as I can remember.  Where I thought there would be anxiety and apprehension, instead, it was the most natural, honest conversation I had ever been able to have with a man.  He wanted to know why; and it wasn't because he didn't think I felt the same-on the contrary- he KNEW I did.  Before I could stop myself, my mouth was communicating exactly what was on my heart.  I told him, in that moment, I felt it more than I EVER had.  We had so much controversy surrounding us that I was afraid it was temporary, and, when it was all said and done, he wouldn't choose me.  I just couldn't be hurt by him in that way; it would be something I could never get over.  All I ever wanted was him to know exactly how I felt, and that it would NEVER change.  I wasn't going to live in fear anymore, and I was GOING to take the risk because it's WORTH IT...

I knew from that moment forward that I was DEFINITELY giving myself to this man, and there would be no turning back...When I came back to Richmond a few months later, we disappeared; and existed ONLY for each other; the way it was supposed to be.  I had been sitting in that wicker chair on the patio in a daze, recollecting the whole experience, tag still in hand.  For the first time since we went our separate ways, I was smiling at the thought of Landon.  When I snapped out of it, I found myself hurriedly trying to remember WTF I was doing in the first place.  "Oh shit, I'm supposed to be packing!"  I jumped out of the chair, grabbed the suitcase, and went back inside to finish what I started.  It was time to embark on my next great adventure...   


Popular posts from this blog

Flash Forward: The Twin Flame Connection

              One of the things I get the most comments on when it comes to Avri James and Landon is about the Twin Flame Connection, what are my thoughts on it, and most importantly, do I believe in it.  Most of you guys out there want to know whether or not I consider what Avri and Landon have a TFC, and WHEN would it come into play in their story...Ask and ye shall receive!  By request, an anecdote from Avri and Landon that addresses just that; I hope it provides the strength needed to hold out for it ALL... There was ONE time, when I could no longer deny the TFC; and I knew for sure it was real...I lived out of state for a while and had been seeing someone else.  Landon and I hadn't seen each other for a time, and had been living separate lives.  I had been coming and going, but ours paths just never seemed to cross.  One day, my family attended this baby shower.  I chose not to, as I didn't know the intended at all.  After it was over, my aunt stopped by, giving me a rundo

Great Expectations

              I couldn't believe it; it was FINALLY here!!  This trip had been at the forefront of all my thoughts for the past few weeks-now that it was actually time to leave it all felt surreal.  It honestly felt a little strange to be this excited about going on a trip I had originally planned and discussed so many times before with Landon.  In all actuality, I never thought I would get the chance to go.  I just figured the Universe would open up and swallow me, and I would never make it!  The strangest part of all though, was that it didn't even bother me, which caused me to feel slightly uneasy, just for a few moments; old habits die hard.  For once, I felt like I was doing something for ME.  My greatest desire for the whole thing was to find out what parts of Avri still remained; to remember who the fuck I was.  I had felt so lost and disconnected lately- an Avri identity crisis, if you will... See, that's the part I find the hardest to wrap my mind around; how impor


  "...So many things I'm going through, So much that I wanna do~It's starting to become so clear to me, tomorrow ain't really guaranteed~So many days I've thought of you, it's about time you knew the truth~Gotta act quickly you and I, to fall in Love so many reasons why..." I could feel the sun slipping through the downturned slats of my wooden blinds.  It crept slowly across the floor; climbing my bedspread, and finally kissing my fingers before I opened my eyes.  I smiled, thanked the Universe for Life, and rolled over, feeling around for my book.  I hadn't fully decided if I was quite ready to get up yet.  Still in mid-thought, the sound of chimes began to softly ascend; it was my phone reminding me of the day I had ahead of me.  Whelp, decision made.  I'm up.  I didn't mind too much though; today had the potential to be dope.  I love the Summer.  It's the way the air smells; IDK, it does something to me...Melanie and I had a whole day l