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Showing posts from May, 2021


  If you want to change your narrative, you have change your mentality.  Avri James' new narrative reads, "Love is for Suckas."  It's the perfect thought process for where I am right now.  None of it matters anymore.  They say fidelity and monogamy are the aspects of life that separate us from the animal kingdom.  Without it, our sexuality and the pursuit thereof, rivals that of beasts.  I used to think the purest connection was of that between a man, and the woman he loves.  It's all a Fallacy; there's no such thing.  The only person we ever truly love and honor is OURSELVES.  That's the only one we really care for at the end of the day, and the happiness we concern ourselves with most.  The only flaw to this logic is, unfortunately, as humans, we are in need of a significant other.  We were not made to walk alone.  Therefore, it stands to reason, if we choose NOT to walk alone, at some point in time, there will be compromises to be made, then we are acce


Well, I tried. I tried REALLY hard, but I'm at the end of my rope.  It's been almost two years, and we are still in exactly the same place; Too afraid to move in either direction.  I've never wanted anything as badly as this, which is precisely the reason I fight so hard.  However, at the end of the day, you cannot fight alone.  It's absolutely fucking amazing to me...I used to lie in bed at night sometimes when we couldn't be together and imagine what it would be like when we were.  There had been so many things that stood in our way that were seemingly out of our control; when we finally got the opportunity, there would be absolutely NOTHING stopping us.  What happened to the Landon who knew how precious every minute we have is, and not willing to waste a single moment?!  How quickly we forget what it took (and how long!) for us to get back HERE.  Doesn't he remember what it was like to only be together in our heads with no real hope of it ever being more?!  I

Fresh Air

  As the days wore on, it gradually became easier to focus my attention elsewhere.  I had been the other half of Avri and Landon long enough to know how much worse obsessing over the situation was going to make things.  It's peculiar; it's like, the more upset and withdrawn I become, the more ornery and disagreeable Landon becomes-even without me saying a word.  We don't have to see each other; somehow, we just KNOW.  My attempt at maintaining his peace was futile because he felt my unrest.  it of course was mis-interpreted  to be some type of animosity towards him because he was busy with finals.  I gently explained my behavior as of late wasn't a result of him being pre-occupied with the pursuit of higher education-as a matter of fact, that was actually a little sexy!  My problem was feeling intentionally ignored, and existing in a sort of "Gray" area until this was all over.  he said he understood what I was trying to say, but we had been so distant as of l