"A liminal is a space between spaces. A liminal space is a boundary between two points in time, space, or both. It’s the middle ground between two grounds, the mid-structure between two structures."
There are times in life when All we can do for those we care about is tell them the truth...As of late, I had been fiercely protective of my Peace-leaving little to no room for bullshit...On my last day off, I made a conscious effort to stay tucked away steering clear of any interference. Because the Universe has jokes, it sent a very unlikely person to seek me out. Since that encounter on my porch with Jhessi, the situation had not improved...on the contrary-it had become increasingly trifling! We had several talks over the past two weeks, but it seemed like every time Jhessi thought she was about to stand on business, my cousin would knock her back off her square...and she was right back where she started. One night after a full day of website work, we met up for wine and to devour the most gorgeous charcuterie board. Instead of me making tipsy soliloquys about my love of roasted red peppers and hummus on perfectly toasted sesame crackers, I found myself listening to Jhessi lament about how he was emotionally killing her softly...As I quietly sat, taking it all in, I came to the conclusion that the only recourse at this point was to put this in real perspective for Jhessi; I decided to tell her one of My Stories, an Avri she had never met...
So let's set the scene-for all those OGs of the Superstar journey, ya'll already know that this took place in one of Landon and Avri's famous "Gray" areas, where everything and absolutely nothing goes...We may speak, we may not; we may see each other, we may not...In each other's orbit, but that was about it. The explanation was for Jhessi, all she had ever known from me, was Landon...One night, I found myself, sitting a the edge of my bed, freshly showered, contemplating what I wanted to watch before winding down. While slipping a linen nightgown over my head, my phone began to ring. After wiggling it down my body, I reached for the phone, it was my P.Y.T...I was a little shocked to hear from him, I mean, it had been a very long time...My curiosity peaked, and I answered; with lots of apprehension in my voice...
"Hello?!" I said; pausing for a response. "Avri James, long time, no see! How have you been?!" Oh okay, so this is gonna be one of those conversations-BET. "I have been really great😇...just staying low, minding my business, attempting to build an empire!" I said with a giggle. "How about you?! What's new?!" I asked, with a small inflection of enthusiasm in my voice. "Oh nothing much, I was just calling to let you know I just bought a brownstone in Hebekon; we're practically neighbors now-well, that is, when I'm not in Brooklyn..." "OMG, My heart literally stopped for 2.5 seconds; I thought you were gonna say you sold it and my favorite rooftop spot was gone forever!" I said with a sigh of relief. "Nah, Never...I know how much you love it...So listen, what you up to right now, I'm starving, and I know you know where to go. Besides, I could use a little company...You wanna come check out the new spot?!" I stared down at myself; newly dressed for bed. "Fuck it. Why not?! Come pick me up..."
An hour later, we were in Downtown Jensen City, standing in my favorite Crepe spot at midnight. The smells alone were driving me insane! My taste buds were manic as my nose tried to decipher all the savory goodness that surrounded me; just lingering in the air. Notes of cinnamon seamlessly blended with chicken and apple...How's a girl supposed to decide?! Sensing my dilemma, P.Y.T. walked up behind me and whispered, "I'm not bringing you back to Richmond tonight, get as many as you want, we're gonna be up for a while..." My mind went blank, any immediate train of thought derailed..."Well, in that case, I want 4, 2 savory, and 2 sweet!" I was humming with anticipated satisfaction; and my happiness was apparent. P.Y.T. studied the marquee displaying the full menu carefully. I'm getting whatever you're having. Judging from the look of absolute pleasure on your face, it must be good!" I placed our order, and we stepped outside into the tepid summer night air to wait. There was a small bistro table with a single chair, which I declined, allowing him to take the seat instead. Midsummer nights in Jensen City were electric...You never knew what could happen, or who you may run across. My eyes were pacing back and forth, up and down the street, attempting to take it all in. P.Y.T. grabbed my hand, pulling me into his lap saying, "I wanna see your city through your eyes; tell me what you see..." I happily chatted away; telling him about the cat that used to live in the Brownstone right next to it, but got put out because she keeps getting pregnant...and how the owner of the car wash looks exactly like Griselda Blanco...
The next thing I knew, we were in Hedekon, pulling into a neat driveway lined with blue solar lights. The garage door opened silently, and his truck descended us into darkness. As the garage door clicked shut, the black cavernous space illuminated in soft white light. P.Y.T. came around to my door; opening it. HE led me through each room of his 3-story walk up, carefully discussing plans for each space. We found ourselves on the balcony with our crepes and a bottle of my favorite wine. "This is a really beautiful place, " I began. "I would say more so than Brooklyn, but I'm impartial so..." P.Y.T. smiled. "There's someplace I've been dying to take you. Everything about it screams Avri James, and I know you won't want to leave..." P.Y.T. said, both mysteriously and excitedly. "Where?!" I asked. "Ashville, NC. That's all you get. If you wit it, we can leave early tomorrow afternoon." "Tomorrow?!" I exclaimed, almost choking on my wine. My mind was frantically searching for an excuse to get out of it, but why?! I was off from the Crystal Flame for the next 72 hrs, and had no plans..."Fuck it, I'm IN!" I said with a smile. We finished the wine and almost 4 of the crepes before I made the suggestion that we swing by Richmond for me to pack. Since I had zero information on or about our destination, I had no idea what to actually bring..."What's the weather in Ashville like?!" I asked from the window. "It's gorgeous. It's about 82 and sunny during the day, and 70 with a breeze at night." "That sounds like Paradise." I said, letting out the most satisfying sigh...
PART II
I stepped off the plane, and was immediately engulfed in the scenery of the NC mountains. P.Y.T. was right; this was gorgeous. It was the most beautiful natural scene I had personally ever laid eyes on...We first arrived at his townhouse in Chesney; a pitstop to re-group😊. The only thing about being spontaneous is, you don't have any plans😅, and don't know what to do next! We decided to spend the night there, so we went to the store for some essentials. It was decided that the next day, we would begin at the water...This was very cryptic...What was he up to?! I guessed I would find out tomorrow...P.Y.T. is far more active than me, so he was out on his bike before sunrise, giving me the perfect opportunity to get a little Yoga in. By the time he got back, I was already in the shower. "With the 3 other bathrooms in this place, you would be in my favorite one when I get back from my ride!" He yelled through the cracked door. "It's the only one with a detachable head!" I yelled back brightly. "Yea, aight, Ima be showered and ready in 30 minutes." P.Y.T. said, trying to sound assertive. "Fantastic. I'll be ready to roll in 20..."
The Water turned out to be a babbling brook along a pathway in the woods that lead to the most amazing waterfall. I was utterly speechless. P.Y.T. took full advantage of the terrain and decided to go for a run...I could not have been happier to be left to my own devices to wander around alone than in that moment...I took my shoes off, tied my dress up in a neat little bow, and slowly waded into the water. I found a large, broad, smooth stone to perch on top of to sit mid stream, and just write...The water was in flow; Serenity unmatched...By the time P.Y.T. found me, I was meandering through the woods, taking pictures of flowers and fairy houses other passers by had built. At long last, he patiently grabbed my hand and said gently, "I have more to show you, if you're ready." I wasn't but it was something in the way he said it, that encouraged me to just follow his lead...
Ashville was about a 45 minute drive from Chesney, and so, we hit the road. He pulled up to the cutest little sleepy mountain village, and navigated to a bungalow that was nestled just beside the forest. There was a vase of fresh Hydrangeas sitting on a small wooden side table on the front deck. After making our way inside, and putting our things in the room, I began to think about what I wanted to cook...P.Y.T. acclimated himself with all the electronics the BnB had to offer while I sliced veggies for shrimp fried rice. Half a bottle of Pinot Noir, 2 movies, 3 games of Cards Against Humanity, and 1 Espresso later(my first, btw!), I was in bed; drifting off to sleep by candlelight. Of course, because I'm Avri James, espresso had the opposite effect on my metabolism, causing me to crash...I slept a little heavier than usual; which is why I didn't hear the onslaught of telephone calls I received...
It wasn't until like the 6th or 7th call came through on my second number, did consciousness fully take hold...I made my way in the dark towards the phone...Landon...the phone began to ring again...I sat on the edge of the bed, gazing down on a sleeping P.Y.T...I didn't have to answer...I could turn it off, and go back to sleep...Fall back under the covers and drift away...call #9...Against my better judgement, I finally folded and answered..."Hello?!" "Hey Girl!" He said. "This isn't really a 'hey girl' time of night, what's up, are you OK?!" I asked. "Idk...It took you forever to answer, maybe I would've been had you answered when I called...Anyway, what took you so long to answer?! What are you doing?!" And there it was! I didn't even get passed the 1st sentence..."I was asleep, I mean, it is the middle of the night!" I quipped back. "Yea, but I called; Alot...You always answer, even when you're asleep." Landon said, very matter-of-factly...
"I had a very long day, and I tried espresso for the 1st time; you know my inside chemistry is SO special; it knocked me out!" I said. "I miss, don't you miss me?!" He blurted out. "I was thinking about coming through-" "You can't I'm not there...", I softly interjected. I didn't even think he heard me until he stopped mid-sentence..."What you mean you not on Richmond?! Then where are you?! So you mean to tell me if I come to Richmond Right Now, you not there?!" "No, I'm not." "I don't believe that, FT me right now!" He said incredulously. I glanced over at P.Y.T.'s chest steadily rising and falling..."I'm away; in Ashville; I won't be back until the day after tomorrow..." I said; hoping to distract from his initial line of questioning. "FT me; I want to see you." Relenting at long last, I let out a deep sigh, and padded barefoot to the back deck; switching on the double strand of twinkling lights...this was happening; and it was happening now...
"Oh shit! You really aren't on Richmond! What's that in the background?!" Before I had the chance to respond, Landon began again..."Look at you! I missed your face! What is that you're wearing?! Is that a satin robe?! Show me where you are...When did you say you would be back again?! I wanna see you!" Landon said; without a single breath in between. "The day after tomorrow; and I don't believe you." I responded calmly. "What?!" He replied, confused. "I_don't_believe_you. You're only saying that now because I'm not there. You didn't miss me until you thought you couldn't get in touch with me. This is a game to you Landon, and I'm not interested. We are far too grown at this point to keep doing the same dumb shit. I've never taken any man as seriously as I do you...I've never loved anything the way I love you...I have never felt so completely powerless as to how far I would go for you...and you PLAY...at every opportunity; and I allow it...Do you know what that does to me, every time you disappear?! I die on the inside; a little bit more each time..."
Landon was silent for a moment before responding. "I know baby, and I apologize. I can do better; I will do better. I wanted to be there now, but you're not." "That is sooo much easier to say because I'm not." I said dryly. "So what can I say to make you believe me? What can I do?!" He asked. I thought for a minute...I would be flying in alone; P.Y.T. was going to remain behind in NC to work for the rest of the week..."You can start by picking me up from the airport Tuesday; then I'll see if you just talkin..." "Aight! I'll be there; you'll see; I Love You..."
On Tuesday afternoon, I made my way to the passenger pickup; selecting a seat on a secluded bench. I cued up my Oober, confirming it's time of arrival...Then, I called Landon..."Hey, I just landed, are you already on your way?!" I asked, already knowing the answer. "Oh shit, baby, I can't come pick you up right now, I'm in the middle of doing something." Landon said apologetically. "Ok, I'll talk to you later." I hung up the call, shaking my head in confirmation...I decided to upgrade my ride to Luxe; I might as well enjoy it...Landon never knew it, but that trip, and his inability to show up for me marked a detrimental turning point in our dynamic. He had completely shattered my trust in him, and what I thought he felt for me. If I couldn't show me, if I couldn't see it, then I didn't believe him...Habitual Inconsistency doesn't equate to Love, it eventually equates to Loathe; and Monsters are born...right here, is where all of my demons that manifested over Landon originated from...
"Jhessi, I Love you, but what you got going on with my cousin does not even begin to scratch the surface of Love...it's not always pretty, and it doesn't always feel good...on the contrary; there will be times where you are torn apart, from the inside out-because it is necessary. Sometimes things happen to show you something; teach you something important about yourself, and how you want to be treated. If you don't see and know all of its parts, then you're living a lie. There will be things that arise that You and Only You can deal with, and Must. Relationships are meant to be a mirror; reflecting back to us what Is and Is Not right on the inside. When you don't express how something makes you feel, it makes it all the more harder the next time some bullshit arises that doesn't sit right with you to say something. You need to fully understand what you are getting yourself into, and then, from that place of full understanding, decide whether or not it's worth the fight. You shouldn't be making any uninformed decisions. Do what you want, but KNOW what you're doing..." She sat with the thought; digesting it; turning it over in her mind. "I hear you Ri, we gonna see..."
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