My Latter Will Be Greater....

So sweet to the ear, yet so bitter to the restless soul.

I'm so torn.

Do you ever get the feeling that you're not where you're suppose to be? That's me. I feel stuck. I don't know where I'm suppose to be. I'm soooo tired of waiting for life to happen to me. I've done it all right so far, or at least I think I have. Put God first. Honor your mother and father. Love others as yourself. Post-secondary education. Career. Wonderful friends. An abundance of income. Why Aren't I HAPPY? Why aren't I in LOVE?

It's funny how things come into perspective as an adult. The entire time I was growing up, all that concerned me was having my career and being successful by the time I reached maturity. I didn't see the need in complicating my life with extra people, ie a husband and kids. I always figured if one preceded the other, than OK, I would reproduce. But as far as a biological longing, um, NO!

I long for those days.

Now my head seems to be filled with endless possibility. Every hint of lace opens the door for countless hemlines on beautiful infant dresses, and every lovely word uttered is a perspective name for that one in a billion superstar child I'm suppose to give life. I have become completely disgusted with the idea that I will ever find The ONE.

I think my rib was donated.

I want to share my life. I want to give myself to someone who matters and have something real. None of these things matter. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God..." Sooo much easier said than done. I have been waiting. "My Grace is sufficient for thee..." Lord I hear you. Your hand will not be forced.

I like that.

Perhaps I'm not festering, maybe I'm being refined. Perhaps the longer I simmer, the better the end result will be. The ONE could be somewhere being handcrafted by The Lord to be my ALL. Oooooo Yeah! I think I CAN wait! While I do, I don't see the harm in heading down to King Street for a little while to check out King Dusko's. I might as well look at some fabulous art while my diamond is being excavated!~~~~~Avri James Out!

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