Siren

 

"I gave you all the Love I got, I gave you all that I could give, I gave you Love...This is No Ordinary Love, No Ordinary Love...and I'm Falling..."

                                                    ~Sade

Sometimes I get the feeling that the Universe utilizes our lives as it's sole source of entertainment.  When I look at the shit we keep being presented with on a daily basis, it's becoming more and more apparent that the Creator is using us for shits and giggles.  Have you ever had a scent take you some place?  They say that scent is the closest of our senses tied to memory.  It can trigger emotions, reminding us of a specific space in time.  With the slightest sniff, we are immediately transported to that place; perhaps even a person...

I had just gotten out of the shower, eager to start my day by opening a fresh bottle of my favorite lotion.  It was in a brand new limited edition scent, and I was already salivating at the thought!  Sitting on the edge of my bed, I happily unwrapped it; properly assembling the pump.  That's when it hit me; an absolute eruption of familiarity; sending my mind on a frenzy to identify where it was I last smelled it.  Pomegranates.  By the time I had completely encapsulated my body with the heavenly confection, I had only managed to narrow it down to a timeframe:  College.  My Freshman Year.  Very Early Dorm Days.  End of Transmission.  My mind refused to address the scent any further.  Without any definite point of reference to vouch for its relevance, my brain was utterly disinterested in processing this seemingly random piece of information.  The way my intuition is set up, there are no such things as "random pieces of information".  It was quickly shuffled to the confines of my subconscious for later consumption...The Universe was about to swiftly call my attention back to the latter...

A message flashed across my screen, alerting me that there were fresh pastries on deck downstairs on my kitchen table.  It was from my father, who of which I affectionately call Dino.  The message was reassurance that the recon mission I sent him on this morning was a success.  I smiled to myself thinking about the spinach Kish topped with turkey bacon, and Swiss Cheese stuffed croissants that awaited me within a quick bound down the stairs.  After braiding my hair to the side, I headed toward culinary delight.  As I rounded the curve on the steps, I heard the sounds of Dino's boisterous voice.  He was, in fact, still in the building.  Albeit strange for this time of day, not completely unheard of.  He seemed to be chatting away  with someone on his phone.  Judging from the tone of the conversation, it was someone he hadn't spoken to in a long time.  Absolutely dis-interested, I proceeded to put my tea kettle on.  I hummed to myself in pure delight as I selected which pastries to indulge in first.  A minute or so later, Dino's voice shattered my stream of consciousness.  "MA!  Come Here!  I got somebody that wants to speak to you!"  Immediately irritated, I began to wonder which one of the long list of clowns Dino chose to associate with had the audacity to disturb my Peace so early on.  I finally made my way out to the back porch where Dino was seated.  It was then I realized that Dino had the nerve to be on a video call of all things!  As I approached, he slowly turned the screen toward me, revealing both myself to the caller, and in turn, He to me...I stood there frozen, for God knows how long, upon laying eyes on the mysterious caller.  That smell; that scent; that time...it all came rushing back at once.  Every detail was crystal clear; every part of my memory erupting into full engagement...I was back in 2002; standing in my newly unpacked dorm room; plugging in scented oil; newly separated from Landon; trying my hardest not to cry...

That wasn't the plan.  I was supposed to have Him; He was supposed to be apart of this experience.  WITH ME.  I wasn't ready to be separated from him yet; Especially like that.  The past few days had been a blur.  I didn't even know when I would speak to Landon again, let alone see him.  I couldn't get focused.  I couldn't think about anything else; I felt lost.  I mean, I had a plan in place before Landon, but this was too much.  I was no longer invested in that version of the plan; I didn't want to do it without him.  That week leading up to me leaving for school was the most emotionally difficult I had ever experienced up until that time.  Nothing had ever been this important to me.  I had all but convinced myself that the day would never arrive.  I don't know, like if I didn't go to school, it would somehow change the reality of the situation.  Of course, that's ridiculous, and the sacrifices that were made to get me to this point were far too many to think I was even about to play those types of games.  And so, heartbroken and sullen-faced, I haphazardly packed; allowing my mother to deliver me to the University steps...

Everything had felt excruciatingly difficult since that fateful day outside 133.  I still remember cursing the Universe, stating how could be considerably less painful if I were at least able to speak to Landon.  But Nope.  It woke up and chose violence; each and everyday leading up to my departure.  My bubbly roommate had arrived hours earlier, already unpacked, and headed out to eat with her parents.  I sent my Mom off on her way to her next great adventure expeditiously, eagerly anticipating the solace in being alone.  I knew I was still an unpredictable wreck; it was best to be on my own.  I plugged in the phone, sanitized my mattress, pulled on the xtra-long fitted sheet, and crawled on to the bed.  I shut my eyes tight, letting the whole Summer play out beneath my lids like a movie.  There was Taylor, trying to convince me that Landon had a genuine interest in me...next thing I knew, I was on the phone with him at 4am, and the operator was requesting an emergency breakthrough.  I could feel the vibration from his voice when he spoke.  The tears had begun to steadily stream.  At that moment, a conversation about what campus life was going to be like came to mind.  It was Landon's way of showing apprehension about me being away, "Oh I'm going to be there, like ALOT!  Um Hmm, they are going to know my face!  How else are they supposed to know you're mine?!"  I smiled at the memory.  It was the first one that snuck by me in a week.  I took it as a sign of positivity, and pressed on with unpacking...

2.5 hours later, convinced I could go no further, I was content with my last official act of the night-plugging in my scented oil burner before I took a shower.  It was a warm, fruity, tropical scent; pomegranate heavy, and absolutely luscious!  I let it was over me; breathing in deep.  My peace was abruptly disturbed by a double ring on my room phone.  Odd.  That meant someone was calling from an outside line, but who?!  "Hello?!"  I answered incredulously.  "Avri!  Girl!  I got somebody that wants to speak to you!"  Taylor's ecstatic voice flowing from the receiver.  "Baby, can you hear me?"  Time stopped; like literally.  It was Landon!  If I was more of a sucka, I probably would have burst into tears right on the spot.  The feeling was indescribable.  "Listen, I don't have long, and I don't know how long this will last, but I wanted to tell you I Love You.  There, I said it.  You don't have to say it back, I just wanted you to know that's how I feel, you are on my mind.  I'll call you back if I can."  I don't remember if I said anything on that initial call at all; I was too caught up in how serendipitous the moment was.  It turned out that we were able to speak everyday for over a month.  I had an entire life outside that dorm room, but nothing mattered to me like those phone calls did.  For him to be in a desperate situation, but care more for my mentality and emotional well-being than his own, I Knew that I could never feel that way about anyone else; it was once in a lifetime.  Come who may, I would Always choose Landon.  He was what the Hood called my Forever Nigga; the One and Only...

My eyes now fully focused on the screen, it revealed the face of Spence...Universe, I am done with you and your Shenanigans.  If Landon were a Superhero, then Spence would be his Nemesis.  I have never known him hold on to a grudge more indefinitely and as intensely as he does for this particular individual.  The history is deep and messy.  Spence very well may have been the catalyst for Landon and I being involuntarily separated way back when.  Me just appearing on screen potentially felt like the ultimate betrayal.  I didn't know what to say-and my face hides NOTHING.  As he awkwardly scrambled for words, I stood in utter disbelief.  It was like I went deaf; all I heard was, "I can't wait to get to Richmond, see the block, see you...I'll be home in less than 6 months.  I'm in the process of buying a club around the way."  This is what I imagine getting shot feels like.  The words penetrated my very being, sending waves of pure shock through my system.  I really don't have time for this... Yes, we all knew this day would eventually come, but I think I had thoroughly convinced myself that Landon and I would be nowhere around when it did.  Why me?!  Of all people, why tell me?!  Don't look forward to seeing me.  This felt messier and messier by the second.  I wanted OUT of this.  Fuck pleasantries and not looking crazy; this was a mayday situation, and I needed to be the fuck up outta there like 30 seconds prior to the beginning of the conversation!  I abruptly handed the phone back to Dino while Spence was mid-sentence, made a beeline back into the kitchen, and tightly shut the door behind me.  Universe, what the fuck is this, some kinda test of my gangster-better yet, of where my loyalties lie?  Where did Spence come from?  Why did I suddenly feel so protective of Landon?  What is happening right now?!  My head was spinning...One thing was for certain, two things for sure, I HAD to tell Landon Asap...But How...