Solace

 

Think back to when your relationship first began...Remember the absolute bliss that was unmatched by anything else?!  You've been  there,  so you  KNOW it's real...Just  imagine  if every  second  was  like that?!  With that kind of power, I would LITERALLY  be unstoppable!  Is it crazy to say that  I still feel exactly like  that?!   I'm still just as excited to  see him today as I was the very first time we spoke...

The school  year was coming to a  close, and it was almost time to go home.  Landon and I had decided to leave right after his last exam.  Things between us were JUST RIGHT.  We were just beginning to hit  our  stride, realizing we  were a perfect fit, just the way were.  I can't really explain it, but something had finally clicked.  We were both exceptionally happy-not only  with each other, but with  ourselves.  We were  reaching our individual goals, but were taking special care to  ensure we didn't forget about one another.  Funny thing, it was precisely what  was  missing the whole time-the individual pursuit of happiness.  We cannot give our  all, shit, anything for that  matter, to anyone else if we haven't first given fully to ourselves.  I came to this realization at a point in my journey when I was just about to give up.  My heart was so focused on what  was missing, Ididn't fully  comprehend the true source of my pain.  What I thought was bothering was me wasn't my real issue.  I  had  completely lost myself.  I  was wandering around aimlessly in a very familiar  forest, seemingly with no way out.  It wasn't until I  stopped moving and stood still I realized I would be stuck forever.  I didn't want  to be  trapped.  If I was  going to get out, I needed to trust myself; believe in my own power.  Most importantly, AVRI was going to have to come first.  As soon  as I focused on me, the way out was  illuminated.   Before I knew it, I was out; and exactly where I was supposed to be.  Landon and I had  an amazing year that was full of soo many changes; all of which contributrd to  where we currently are.  When some of it was happening, it felt  like PURE torture with no end in sight.  Of course, at the time, Iwasscreamingin complete silence for it to end-by ANY means necessary;  even if it meant no more Avri and Landon.  I now know just how  instrumental all of  it was  in finding  our  way...boy.  In retrospect...TOTALLY worth it!

We had both decided that we had had enough of the campus life, so, at the start of the next school year, he and I would be getting apartments.  I hadn’t thought much about it since we initially discussed the idea-too excited about being back on Richmond for the Summer.  I had so much to tell Taylor!  I was looking forward to her catching me up on all the latest Parker shenanigans and the current state of block affairs.  I couldn’t wait for the opportunity to focus on absolutely nothing!!  I was in desperate need of some R&R, with a little mindless entertainment in the mix.  I found myself fully engaged in this very thought when a quick tap came at my door.  A split second later, Landon stepped into my room.  He had a look on his face that meant he had something to say, but just didn’t know how.  I could tell it wasn’t anything bad, so I blurted out, “Just tell me!”  He smiled nervously before he began, “So, I know we both expressed an interest in living off campus next semester...did you ever think about us potentially moving in together?!”  I wonder what my face said in that moment-it was the absolute last thing I thought he would say!  “I mean, sure; I THOUGHT about it in passing, but not on any serious level.  I had no idea that was something that was even on your mind...” I responded.  “Well, now that you do, what do think?!  What say you Avri James, you tryna live with me, or nah?!”

I don’t know if it was fear, anxiety, or just plain old excitement that was going through my head, but I was at a complete loss for speech.  No words would escape my throat.  The great thing about being 1 half of a Twin Flame is your other half always knows exactly what you are feeling.  “I know we never talked about it, but, it makes sense, right?!”  Landon asked.  His eyes were full of apprehension; he really didn’t know what I was going to say, and was fearful of my response.  He pulled me down into his arms; I lay there quietly, deep in thought...we just let the question linger around the room unanswered like an uninvited guest...