Waves

 

As the weekend progressed, Eli's demeanor relaxed, however, maintained it's intensity.  One thing he never did was lose sight of a goal once fixated.  Eli was determined to get back to Kelly, no matter what it was going to take...I wondered if he fully understood what that meant.  I had NO expectations, I learned a long time ago when giving advice, you can only speak from what it is YOU would do; this may or may not be beneficial to the recipient.  How SHE is going to receive it, and respond, is totally up in the air.  Since his arrival, I had not spoken to Kelly-playing both sides of the coin can get messy; I needed to keep my attention on Eli for the moment.  I needed to find a way to take his mind off the situation for a little while-perhaps with a freestyle battle of sorts; Richmond Style.  I even enlisted some of my favorite characters off the block to make it all the way legit-securing some real competition for Eli...enter Delleon: The Chef...

The battle was epic; I saw Eli light up in a way he hadn't in a long time.  It ended in a draw, with both MCs praising the other for providing a dope level of competition.  The two of them spent the rest of the night on the grill; exchanging their secrets on the best ways to cook everything from asparagus to a whole turkey-all on the grill no less!  He laughed the  way he did when things with Kelly were at their best; like nothing could stop him.  THIS was the Eli that was needed to handle what was coming next...at the end of the day, no one knew what was going to happen.  I still couldn't tell if he was really ready to let it all go to give Kelly the life she deserved.  No matter what the outcome, I wanted him to ultimately be HAPPY.  I watched Eli integrate into the backdrop of Richmond with the greatest of ease, as if he had always been there.  I must have been somewhere  off in my own head because I didn't even notice Eli next to me till he bumped my arm with his shoulder.  "Yo!"  he said enthusiastically.  I was immediately brought back to the present.  He handed me a plate full of chicken, proudly pointing out that the color of the sauce was an indication of a perfectly smoked piece.  I smiled and took the plate.  I was in a really great place...

An hour or two later, I found Eli sitting on my front porch in my chair.  He was smoking a joint, staring up at the sky.  There was a look on his face that forced me to ask, "What's on your mind, homie?!"  He passed me the joint.  "Aight Avri, it's like this," Eli began, "I LOVE Kelly, NO Question; I would do ANYTHING for her.  All I see as far as the future, and any woman being apart of it.  It drives me crazy even THINKING about the possibility of not having her in my life.  All that being said, I don't understand why I do the things I do.  NO ONE matters like she does, NO ONE ever has."  Even though I was kinda prepared for this one, I mean, Eli is a feeler, and needs to understand what he is feeling, I now felt a little out of my depth.  I had never experienced what he was talking about.  I mean, to my knowledge,  I had never had that affect on a man.  I had never felt jealousy in my entire life; I'm guessing that's what that strange feeling that was forming beneath my heart was.  I WANTED that.  It only took me a few seconds to come out of it and return to the task at hand.  I hoped my mental sidebar had not shown.  I took a deep breath, and attempted to decipher my friend's tangle of emotions.  "So, when it comes to you and Kelly, you lived so much of you two inside your own head, when you finally had the chance to translate into reality, you had absolutely no idea how to go about it.  Instead of you bringing what you had inside into the real world, and maintaining that high mental and emotional vibration the two of you have always shared, you brought the reality INSIDE you and Kelly's sacred space.  This everyday bullshit, that other people go through in their relationships and other so called romantic endeavors, was NEVER meant for you two.  You guys were ABOVE the bullshit.  NOTHING could touch you, that is, until you LET it; you INVITED it in...

The fear you have is completely irrational; and you created it, all on your own.  The doubt, the insecurity, the awkward conversations, the weird little fights, and finally,  the separation; all shit of your own design. How the fuck was she supposed to know how to move once you switched shit up on her?!  I wouldn't have blamed Kelly in the least bit if she was to completely go off the deep end!  At what point are you going to be ready to be TRULY happy, and take hold of what belongs to you?!  We are talking about the other half of your Soul here; just how long are you going to sit back and insult the Divine by denying what you know to be TRUE?!  The fact that you could just sit back and watch what was clearly meant for you have to seek out AND find her happiness elsewhere is not only childish, but self-sabotage at it's best.  You are the creator of your own demise and the perpetuator of your own misery.  Why don't you try getting the fuck out of your OWN way for a change, understand this has NOTHING to do with pride, and EVERYTHING to do with your evolution as a man, both mentally AND spiritually...go after what YOU deserve, and what belongs to YOU.  Stop letting the world and dumb shit keep you from the one thing that IS, and ALWAYS was, YOURS.  You can FEEL yourself inside her, I KNOW you do.  I have never in my life seen someone so uncertain about a SURE THING.  Tell me, what exactly IS the gamble here?!"  

Eli's face relaxed into a full smile.  "Damn Avri, Aight!  I hear you Dawg, it's time to put away childish things.  I want her WHOLE heart; it's mine, and I'm going to GET IT!"  I was now also smiling.  "Yess!! A round of applause for my homie, he FINALLY gets it!  You got this; the Universe has blessed this; GALAXIES will move in order to make it happen; just LET IT..."