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State Property

 


Although everyone can find comfort in talking to me, I do not share in that same luxury.  Throughout my life, I have found the goings on inside my head are a little too complex for the average person.  Don't mistake it, I find NO fault in being average; I often imagine what this would be like-it seems like a very fulfilling, and simple way to live...it just wasn't gifted to me.  And so, when I need to talk and truly be understood, I have to seek out a member of my very small tribe; hoping they are in the right frame of mind to receive me.  The past few weeks of my life had been vibrant, rapidly changing, and absolutely awe-inspiring.  I had sooo much wonderful built up inside,  it had started oozing out...I and FEELING myself, in every sense of the words, and I needed to tell SOMEONE who would understand what was happening.  I needed to SHARE it; but with who?!  I spoke my will and intentions into the Universe, and decided to take a walk; perhaps I will end up just where I needed to be...

I carried with me close to my body a piece of Rose Quartz, whose shape reminded me of the human heart.  It is known for balancing the Yin-Yang energy; something of the utmost importance to my Pisces nature😜.  It brings every chakra into unity and harmony with the heart.   With each step, I could literally feel my shift.  I spoke to every tree; whispering my eternal admiration.  My only intention was to raise my vibration to the level of pure joy.  Whatever came to mind that supported this goal while on my walk, I was fully ready to experience.  It was amazing.  I didn't have a destination, I let the Universe lead the way.  I noticed every flower; each imperfection in the pavement.  I walked with my fingers widespread in order to feel the wind.  Every now and again, I would catch some far-flung scent on the breeze and attempt to guess what it was.  Once making my way back to Richmond, I sat for a little while longer on my porch, just BEING.  It was so peaceful, the thought temporarily crossed my mind that I might actually be dreaming...A few seconds later, a beautiful, emerald green hummingbird flew directly to me!  I had never seen one in real life, and it came SOO close; as if to make my acquaintance.  Any fear I may have harbored due to it's boldness quickly dissipated, and I was filled with fascination.  It hovered in front of me, just at eye level, then darted to the left of me; staring.  in an instant, it shot to the right, repeating its previous actions.  I stood perfectly still, watching in full wonder.  The entire encounter lasted less than a minute, but had left me mesmerized.  I couldn't believe what I had just seen, in Jensen City, no less!  It HAD to mean something; I raced inside to look it up to find out.  According to spiritualist, hummingbirds are attracted to individuals with high vibrations: 
"the symbolism of a hummingbird crossing your path means that you are on a journey, and at the end of the journey you are on, you will be more whole, balanced, and self-realized.  You may have confusion about whether you are on the right path or not, and a hummingbird is letting you know that even though you feel as if you don't have all the information right now, you should trust your inner light that is guiding you home.  A hummingbird crossing your path is all about trusting the Universe, trusting yourself, and following your heart energies that are leading you closer and closer to your higher self."
I KNEW IT!!!  The Universe had been listening, all along!  I spent the rest of the day alone, in a state of Bliss; truly thankful for my current state of mind, and no longer seeking counsel...

Later on that night, I found myself wandering around The Museum of Natural History with Adonis.  Generally, this was one of my most favorite places to come, especially when the new exhibits arrive.  For some reason, tonight, it almost seemed lack-luster.  Even my all-time, never-let-me-down GOAT, Ancient Egypt didn't hold it's typical intrigue.  For some reason, tonight, the museum held no magic for me.  I felt agitation rising, and so, I let Adonis know I was heading over to the Astronomy exhibit.  I wanted to sit in the Stargazer room; take in the Universe for a while.  He was perfectly happy to separate, the story the aide was telling about capturing and killing a whale almost the size of the building itself had him fully captivated.  I slipped soundlessly away, and approached the hall covered in celestial bodies.  The walls were covered in the content of the heavens, sharing its secrets.  With each step, my heart quickened, and I felt like I was being drawn IN...Through the large double doors, once tightly shut behind you, you are completely engulfed in darkness-that is until you take your very first step FORWARD...in an instant, the whole room illuminates, and the entire known Universe, every single star, suddenly appears before you.  That experience in and of itself is breathtaking.  If this place couldn't bring me back to when I first fell in love with this place, nothing would...

        Luckily, the Planetarium did the trick.  I was the only one in there, so I got to silently observe, and be in awe of true greatness.  My eyes travelled from one galaxy to the next, wandering what secrets each one held.  I tried to imagine the people that lived there, what their sun's rays felt like on my skin, or what color the rain would be that fell from their skies...In all my tranquility, I didn't notice that Adonis had made his way to the Stargazing deck.  "How long have you been there?!"  I asked, surprised to find him standing just a few steps behind me.  "Long enough to watch you get lost in thought; trying to figure out what's going on in that mind of yours."  I smiled.  He was ALWAYS watching me.  I often wondered if all of his "observing" ever led anywhere; like what does he actually SEE when he looked at me.  Adonis walked to my side, stood quietly for a moment or two, then slipped his hand into mine, squeezing it tightly.  "What are you LOOKING for Avri?!"  Adonis finally asked.  He wasn't referring to my eyes scouring the walls of that room...I took a deep breath and answered, "I am looking for myself in someone else.  I am looking for all the goodness and energy that I put out in another person; fully ready and willing to give it to me as I do to them.  Reciprocity.  I am looking for the one man to treat me as I DO;  I am looking for the God in Me, in the male form...I'm looking, for ME.  This is MY Truth."  His eyes were filled with something; it was the disappointment of knowing not that he was not capable, but the fact that I didn't see Me in him...I was beginning to realize he may not be cut for our current situation, and his face said he was beginning to realize it too. "You and I are in a "Get Down, or LAY down situation, where we put it ALL out there.  Don't change our dynamic..."  He didn't say a word; instead, he lifted my hand to his lips, kissed it, and enclosed it with both of his.  I hope someday to stop devastating this guy with the things that come out of my mouth; I think my truth may be too much for him.  This is precisely the reason why I can only talk to certain people...


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