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The Way We Are

 


You know, you can't really call it a gamble when you know exactly what the outcome will be.  Landon's revelation had rocked my world.  I didn't respond right away.  Not that I was confused, I knew precisely what I wanted.  I just couldn't believe it was happening, and wanted to be sure he wouldn't change his mind.  THIS Landon, was MINE.  The one I had missed, all this time, and the man I truly loved.  I couldn't WAIT to be with him, but I had to be certain.  Without thought, my 1st instinct was to GO to him, no hesitation.  It was that pure instinct that I had missed acting on when it came to Landon.  EVERYTHING about us was like that, and it all had to be done NOW.  We didn't have a second to lose.  THIS, at long last, felt JUST like that again; the way it was suppose to...

I was literally wrapped up in my own thought process for at least 48 hours straight.  I had completely lost track of Adonis.  We hadn't really spoken, I had asked for my space.  He didn't deserve to be a casualty to the ongoing Avri-Landon saga this time.  I needed to tap out and be honest with myself.  It was going to be US.  Point blank period.  There was no further need for discussion-it was GO TIME.  This was it; the moment we had discussed countless times-where we said NOTHING and NO ONE would ever separate us...that bloodshed would come first...this was IT...

I had made my way back to Richmond for the Summer, and just started to feel settled.  I was sitting on my bed, thinking, trying to figure out exactly how I was going to approach Landon.  I mean, this is who we WERE.  We love each other unapologetically-nothing was strong enough to keep us apart.  We let it ALL go-EVERYTIME.  Being with each other is the only thing that mattered.  It was sooo much more than anything either us have ever known with anyone else.  We were DIFFERENT, but with purpose.  I loved EXACTLY who we were.  I loved that Landon was a little mean and a complete creature of habit.  He loved his quiet time and binge watching shows about organized crime. Me, I preferred books and movies about haunted houses to going out.  I loved cooking different things and staying IN.  These were the things that made us who we were.  We always say things like, "I'll never leave", or, "There's no way I'm letting you go again.".  We hear them, shit, we may even take it in.  However, we don't truly believe it until we see it tested.  One thing I KNOW, and have ALWAYS known, is that Landon was all that I had inside to feel as far as a man was concerned.  Everything, ALL of me, belonged to him.  I wasn't going to sit by and pretend for a second that I wasn't ready to give Landon precisely what he asked...

I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes, and the 1st signs of twilight began to peak through my bedroom window blinds.  I stretched; full and long, and made my way to the edge of the bed.  I felt around on the floor below for my shoes.  I slipped my feet inside and made my way to the door.  I needed some air.  I walked down the 1st flight of steps without looking up, making myself midway down the second set.  When I had finally settled, I looked up, and there was Landon, sitting in the Batmobile at the curb, quietly waiting for me to notice.  He rolled the window down: "I just have 2 questions.  If the answer to one or the both of them is Yes, then I need you to get in this car, FUCK EVERYTHING that happened before this moment, and LET'S GET BUSY!"  Now, I'm officially excited.  I smile, and answer, "OK."  It's really all I could say.  "Are you still in love with me, AND, Do you still want to be with me?!"  He looked straight at me, waiting for my response.  His gaze held me fixed in that moment, and I couldn't look away if I wanted to.  I gave the only answer I would ever give when posed with those questions.  I got up off the steps, and walked over to the Batmobile, as if being pulled by an invisible force.  It felt magnetic.  The closer I got, the stronger the pull got.  As I sat in the seat, and my fingers slid into the hairs of his beard, I brought his face to mine, and our lips connected.  I kissed him in a way that way almost 2 years overdue.  I could feel ALL of us in that moment.  I didn't want to let go.  When we did finally separate, we sat there with our foreheads touching, just stuck at that point in time.  I had missed this closeness.  My hands were inside his; I didn't even remember how they had gotten there.  I was smiling from the inside out.  Lost in my own head for a minute or two, Landon broke the silence.  "You know we got work to do, I still gotta turn you out!"  We both burst into laughter.  We were definitely back; this was the REAL US.

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