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The Ascent

 To meet, and intertwine with your Twin Flame, in ANY incarnation, is a direct testament to your connection with the Divine.  It’s the most fulfilling, and powerful, yet painful relationship experience a person can have.  It’s not meant to merely provide you with the ideal partner, the true purpose is to be the catalyst that triggers your spiritual expansion and growth.  It isn’t until we come to that realization that life stops being such a struggle.  The connection is so strong, it seems impossible to break-because it IS.  You can never ultimately break from one’s self; attempting to do so will be both devastating and detrimental.  To deny yourself is to deny the one true Source of ALL.  A TF is ONE soul, occupying two different physical forms simultaneously.  Because of Ego, this relationship can and WILL be the most arduous endeavor you will ever embark on, for it’s meant to TRANSFORM you from the inside out.  It teaches you how to exist in the most authentic form; within the confines of your heart.  This, is the most precious gift the divine has to offer, yet RARELY do we fully accept; too caught up in trying to control the flow of change,  and dictate what it should look like.  We try to run; determined to make our own choices.  THIS, was the path that Landon and I were on…

To accept a Twin Flame, and be on FULL awareness of what it is to be ONE, has nothing to do with the two of you and physical union; it’s about understanding that as one, you can NEVER be divided.  Separation is an ILLUSION.  That intensity you feel on a constant basis at the mere thought of the person; the uncontrollable pull to be NEAR them, to hear their voice, even after months of separation.  Meanwhile you continuously endeavor to put great distance between you in an effort to curb the effects.  It’s because you have BEEN together the entire time.  Our minds are responsible for perpetuating the illusion of moving on, or past the TF.  In all actuality, all we are doing is creating more mess in reality to clean up and deal with; unnecessary complications.  THIS time around, since we were now both aware of who and what we are to each other, I was determined to take a different approach and embrace the opportunity for some REAL magic to come into my life.  We would view our situation from the private vantage point provided by the Universe, and utilize it to give us insight in dealing with each other and our emotional disparities.  No childish, ordinary things could remain-every last one of our preconceived notions about relationships, significant others, and how we deal with them all had to GO.  This, was BRAND NEW.  After all, who puts dirty laces in a fresh pair of sneakers?!

What I originally thought was going to be one night of solitude was actually parlayed into an entire weekend.  Between Full Body Exploration and cat naps for energy, We Talked-mostly about our TF connection.  Even though Landon was familiar with the term because of me, he had yet to gain any level of understanding to know what it really meant, and it’s effects on everything.  Once able to grasp the real concept, he was beginning to understand why our journey had seemed so hard, and why it seemed so difficult for us to get on, and STAY on the same page-That is until we actively chose to surrender to its force. “Why does this feel so Amazing?!  Why does this feel more as natural as breathing?!”  Landon suddenly said. “The way I feel when I’m around you, and we are in THIS space, is the most euphoric experience I have ever had.  It almost feels wrong for every part of my being to be in alignment with what’s happening, almost uncomfortable for it to be this RIGHT.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to feel like this.  I’ve done a lot of fucked up things Avri.”  Me too homie… “I know that feeling,” I began, “I spent years before coming back into your life with a person I KNEW I was not in love with.  We were friends, and I cared deeply for him, I just had no tangible emotional attachment to him.  I thought, ‘this is what you deserve, a relationship that does not fulfill you on all levels.  You created this emotional collateral, therefore you will remain here out of obligation.’  The Universe had to step in and SHOW me what I was capable of, and my emotional potential in order to break me out of that rationale.  At the end of the day, NO ONE, by these imaginary and impossible standards WE created as humans, is deserving. Luckily for us, the Universe is far beyond our mediocre comprehension of how things work, and tirelessly brings shit into our lives that is focused purely on our greatest good.  It provides us with glimpses of how wonderful life can truly be…

As Twin Flames, we are one a another’s mirror; what purpose does a mirror serve?! Reflection.  It reveals precisely what it sees; Good, Bad, Ugly.  We will see the most joyous things contained within; able to see the best parts of ourselves.  However, you will also see the worst, the parts we hide from the world and try to forget; as we were absolutely meant to.  It’s all on purpose, and comes to the surface to be DEALT with.  You and I are simply a microcosm; one representation of the entire Universe; containing both chaos and unshakable peace.  One is necessary for the existence of the other.  It is up to us to accept this, and to find and fully embrace balance.  We must love the chaos as much as the peace, recognizing its potential for self growth and development are one in the same.  Letting go of the negativity that surrounds chaos is extremely challenging, but DEFINITELY worth it.  Take the good as an opportunity to progress, and leave behind what no longer serves you, and where you are right now.  You are the only one with the power to decide what to do with a blessing of comic proportions.  It’s a chance to really SEE yourself; ALL of you, from every angle in someone else; deal with your shit, and start living from a place of true authenticity and FREEDOM.  I’m sorry, but for me, that’s an opportunity that’s simply TOO good to pass up!”

Landon didn’t respond right away, but I didn’t expect him to.  I lay silently on his chest, still; listening to his heart beat.  I imagined air entering into his lungs as his torso rose, and saw it escape into the room as he exhaled.  He quietly ran his fingers along my collar bone, tracing its outlines, following it to the rose Quartz  that hung around my neck.  “You know, I never really lived life with any real purpose,” Landon began.  “I just knew that I was here.  I needed money to be comfortable, I needed to be tough so I wouldn’t be fucked with,  and I had an obligation to take care of my responsibilities.  As long as the people in my life I cared about were good, that’s really all I needed.  I could wake up and proceed from one day to the next.  With all my spirituality, I never stopped to think that the Source had an infinite amount of love for me, all  while devising a plan behind the scenes to save me from myself and my mundane existence.  My soul was unconsciously pleading my case to the Universe the entire time; telling it exactly what I needed, even when I didn’t know.  It’s kind of overwhelming when you think about being loved in that way.  I didn’t realize what I was searching for something to connect and ground me to this Earthly existence.  Just as I began to accept that this was all that would ever be, there you were, standing in the doorframe of 133 Richmond after what seemed like a lifetime.  It was the 1st time I didn’t think, I just DID.  You unlocked my heart, revealing a multitude of possibilities I would have never even dared to imagine before.  Had I known that you were much more than the spark to help perpetuate changing my then listless circumstances, I would have treated you and I the way I was supposed to; like the most precious and valuable thing in my life.  Because I didn’t, I stagnated, and all progress stopped.  I repeated old cycles and behaviors, fooling myself into thinking I was moving forward.  In all actuality, all I did was replace my current lineup with new cast members who weren’t better then the current crew, just different.  When I think about what felt like forward movement over the past 2.5 years, it turns out it was merely waves rocking the boat.  I’m still firmly planted on the shore; no where near open water.  In all actuality, I have not gone ANYWHERE.  What I do know about where I’m now going is that the right woman will need to be there, with a heart like my own.  I’m so frustrated that I wasted all this time.  Do you know where the fuck I could BE, shit where WE would be if I hadn’t pissed away 2.5 years on being a selfish little BOY?!  Between the two of us, we have EVERYTHING we need to be real DANGEROUS to the world…”

I sat up to face him; I could feel the remorse seeping through his skin.  “Look at me Landon,  I want you to HEAR what I’m saying.  We are PEOPLE; as people, we make mistakes.  We don’t always recognize what is happening right away, therefore, we can’t appreciate what the Universe was trying to do for us.  With that being said, the Universe will KEEP trying, OVER and OVER again; as many times as it takes to make us SEE what really is.  It will create endless opportunities for us to make things right and correct our path.  Our job is to recognize this, wholeheartedly accept, mean what we say, get the fuck over ourselves, and come INTO who we actually are.  Neither one of us was ready for the level of responsibility of commitment that comes with loving someone the way we love each other because neither me nor you had yet to experience it outside of each other.  We weren’t meant to; we were meant to do this TOGETHER.  THIS, is OUR journey.”  Landon squeezed me tightly.  “Yup, and we will figure it all out, every step of the way.  I used to wonder how it was you and I could be so close, and appear so tragically different.  Little did I know, you were the physical manifestation of all the things I was lacking, and in desperate need of, and now, I get to be that for you too. Damn, ‘Somebody up there must love me, cuz he gave me YOU’…”  So this is really IT; we are in the deep end of the ocean now; the shoreline is no longer visible…



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