Everyday Superstar: Avri James

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  "Do you remember the time when you gave your Ex money for her birthday while you were still together and I was so upset?!  My energy immediately changed, and you knew something was wrong.  That's what happened to you thee other day when I mentioned Adonis's part in our story.  You didn't speak to me for days.  If you need to say something, then you should.  We aren't the type of individuals   to hold things back.  Everything we do effects both of us.  You holding on to shit for dear life, pointing out and obsessing over every aspect of the situation, only able to see my faults.  Not wanting to own any responsibility is a very childish, victim mentality.  For months, I have taken your lead, letting you control the situation, and just going with the flow.  All that has resulted from that IS my fault, I let it all happen.  Everything that has happened is in direct response to your behavior.  We are each operating ...

  There are times in life when the clouds part, and the sun shines directly on you.  It's just something about the way that beam of light glistens, and you know; it was meant just for you.  Nothing in the world could ruin that moment.  That's the way I would describe how it feels when Landon and I are together.  We truly exist outside of space and time.  I was sitting at my desk, staring down at the same blank page that had been staring back at me for the past two hours.   Landon was on my bed, completely engrossed in whatever he was watching.  I couldn't focus, I was thinking about the conversation we had that morning.  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we had it...Now, all I wanted to do was TALK to him...tell him everything he missed; all the things I wanted to say when I couldn't.  Funny thing, ever since we got back from looking at rings, he seemed to be completely at peace.  I'm definitely not trying to rock any boats.  I...

  I opened my eyes to find my head buried against Landon's chest.  I couldn't quite see his face, but the sound of his voice said he was wide awake; and had been for quite some time.  "Good Morning," I mumbled groggily.  "What time did you finally finish?!"  There was a momentary pause, then Landon answered.  "Well, I left around 5, but as far as finishing..." His voice trailed off, as if he was someplace else entirely.  I sat up in bed and asked, "What's the matter?!  What happened?!"  I was now fully awake, anticipating whatever fuckery he was about to lay on me.  "I met a clown after you left."  That I wasn't ready for.  Even though Adonis was adamant about approaching Landon, I never thought they would actually speak!  "What is blowing my shit right now is his level of comfort in approaching and questioning me about ANYTHING pertaining to us!"  Landon said.  I could tell this was one of those situations ...

  As fantastic as the weekend was, it was time to go back to school--I really wasn't feeling it...sitting in my car in front of Avri' house, I almost thought about hitting the turnpike in the opposite direction and just never going back.  I had shit on my mind.  Avri appeared in the doorway; 'I wonder if she would be down to run away with me', I thought.  "Hey!"  Avri said, as she slid into the seat next to me; a full smile on her face.  I don't know what my face said, I was in mid-thought.  The past few months had been Hell for Avri and me; I just could not take one more thing.  WTF did she mean he wants to talk to me?!  I don't like this...  Who was this clown?  Where did he come from?!  Oh yea, from me... I was the one who told her to date some other people; to enjoy being unattached.  Funny thing is, I said it, I just didn't think she would actually DO it!!  Note to self, from now on, stop saying shit you don't me...

             I haven't been home in quite some time...whenever I feel like I'm disconnected, going back to Richmond is always the perfect reset.  It was time for our annual block party, and Landon was NOT about to miss it; I was actually looking forward to it.  I put that foolishness with Adonis behind me and just went on as if nothing happened.  What reason did I have to think that they would ever REALLY talk?! I kept that in my mind, almost completely convinced.  Now that were back on track to being Avri and Landon again, we were seeing a lot more of each other; making it completely possible that the two could cross paths.  A weekend at home was just what we needed; some place familiar where we could just relax, reconnect, and just be US for a change. We decided to drive home.  It was going to be just the two of us for the next two hours-now was as good a time as any to talk to him about the events of the last couple of ...

              Sometimes, it's as if my intuition can sense Landon, long before my mind knows what's happening...I don't really know how to explain it, but it's like everything perfectly syncs around me whenever he is close.  Take for instance the phone conversation with Adonis this morning; ALL my fault.  Here I was, lying on the floor, staring at my ceiling, trying to figure out how Adonis had arrived at the conclusion that he should "confront" Landon about his feelings for me.  I replayed the entire conversation over in my mind...I guess I could have done a better job at de-escalating, but, like I said, something inside me inevitably knows when he's near, and I inadvertently transform.  Some slick shit slips out before I even realize it.  Regardless of how precisely you express your non-feelings for someone, it still hurts when the desires of your heart are not reciprocated. I took an especially long time getting dressed for ...

              Being of two minds is no way to live...Still mostly wrapped up in the dream I just stepped out of, I answered the phone.  Already indifferent, because I knew who it was, and it WASN'T who I wanted it to be.  That dream had given me life; confirmation of something I have known since as long as I could remember.  Now that it had been fully realized, I was no longer beat for anything (or ANYONE!) that wasn't going to get me there.  I had been especially careful the entire time I had been dating Adonis to keep any and all emotional attachment at bay in an attempt to avoid making him a Casualty of War.  He, on the other hand, was doing everything in his power to show me he deserved a real shot.  It's definitely a noble pursuit, but also a frivolous one.  The way I loved Landon transcended all of space and time, and would be EXACTLY the same in ANY lifetime.  No matter WHO, or WHAT, or WHEN, it would ALWA...