Dilemma

So like what usually happens when an extended amount of space takes place, even between the closest of two people, outside influences can creep in.  You know the ones that smell good, dress well, and say the right things.  This one in particular, had, for the most part, always been around, we just were never interested in one another outside of our regular social circle.  We were even going to colleges in the Fall that were virtually within walking distance.  We shared a connection in just about every way BUT romantic...

During the time when Landon and I were behaving like strangers, he reached out to me for help with some print media for one of his events.  I was more than happy for the distraction, AND he was interning for the Summer in the city; just off Madison Ave; a welcome change of scenery!  It was really nice to be in my element again, discussing things I was passionate about, and helping someone convey EXACTLY what they wanted to say in words!  For the first time in a long time, I felt like the REAL Avri.  That was also the first time since all the BS began that I was able to WRITE...I came home and wrote for hours...I felt, FREE.  We met the next day for lunch so I could share what I had so far.  The conversation was light and silly at first, which was our norm; then it turned mildly serious for a few minutes, as we began to discuss love.  Never have I eveeer heard this young man express any interest in being anywhere in the vicinity if the word!  So of course, I'm mad skeptical, and trying my hardest not to laugh...

It was his expression that kept it from escaping.  I was relieved he didn't notice and continued to talk because it gave me the necessary time to get my shit together.  Tre was, in a nutshell, saying he was used up and tired in the prime of his life.  Because he had never really loved anyone, that it must be a sham, and he was giving up on the whole shit.  All he wanted, from now on, was to be in the company of a smart and beautiful girl every chance he got.  If it was someone he knew, that was a plus.  I told him in light of my recent track record, I was down to wear a "LOVE IS FOR SUCKAS" tee shirt for the rest of my life!  I added that his approach was excellent, and I just might do the same; sub in a gorgeous, well-dressed young man...

After that lunch, we spoke more and more frequently.  I started to notice an increase in the text messages being exchanged.  I would get up in the morning, and I would have already heard from him.  It was always so innocent, there wasn't any way for me to feel about it.  I didn't even have the time to miss Landon.  In hindsight, that would have been a red flag, but because I was supposed to be letting go, that particular detail slipped by unnoticed for a while.  We started hanging out on a regular basis.  Tre and I shared a lot of the same interests, we could talk about virtually anything.  We were completely comfortable with one another and this was DOPE.  I started to look forward to hearing from him, and all the crazy people he worked with, or how ugly his sister looked when she went out the night before...

One Friday night, we went to grab something to eat in the city before a show.  It was cool that night; it had been raining the majority of the day.  I was unusually hype because of the show, so I couldn't eat anything; I ordered my food to go.  This was a rare occasion when it was just the two of us, so I was even more Avri that usual!  I tried rushing him through his food, but he ate even SLOWER!!  Tre sat back in his chair, and made himself more comfortable.  He looked at me and said "I get a whole night of Avri James, so I'm going to LIVE every second!"  I wanted to say something slick, but I didn't; I just let the moment play out.  We sat there quiet, for just a second or two before I finally broke the silence by saying I wasn't wearing the right shoes to have to STAND in VIP all night.  After what seemed like forever, we were on our way.  I stepped out into the NYC night just as a breeze went by.  My arms were exposed, and before the thought of catching a chill could cross my mind, there was a cashmere sweater placed on my shoulders.  I suddenly thought of Landon...

At this point, what happened next brings us to more recent history; that fateful day the standoff between Landon and I ended...just 48 hours later.  Now that he and I were talking again, I was feeling...something...uneasiness.  I just didn't know why...YET.  The next weekend, Tre invited me over to the city to go to a party with him and a few of his friends.  All of a sudden I thought of how it would look; that was a strange thought; I never considered it before...I asked my cousin to tag along to help shake the feeling, because I was DEFINITELY going!  We had a ball; literally breaking day.  The others all wanted to go to breakfast, but I could barely stand.  Tre offered to drive to drive us home, and we parted ways with the rest of the group.  Sitting alone in the car on Richmond, we recapped the night's events; even how my bodysuit got caught in the turn-style!  We both agreed the night was epic, and we couldn't wait to do it again.  As I was getting out the car, Tre added, "Maybe next time, just bring Avri; I liked it when it was just us two."  I rolled my eyes, threw up a hand, and told him to drive safely...

As I walked up the steps, I thought about what he said.  I thought about the last couple of weeks and how much had changed.  I thought about our morning conversations and our crazy ass texts.  My mind kept going back to the words that were just exchanged..."just us two"...wtf was that?!  The thought had never crossed my mind.  A still small voice in the back of my mind whispered, "but why HASN'T it?!"  As I ascended the last few steps, I could feel the sunrise on my back.  Shoes in hand, all I was thinking about now was my bed.  I laid there awake for a few minutes before drifting off, thinking of Landon, and how happy I was that we were OK; the perfect end to a great weekend...Suddenly my phone buzzed, and a message from Tre flashed across the screen...